Thursday, August 5, 2010

Feckless

Sometimes I just want to be in a Bad Mood. I don't WANT to be cheered up. I don't WANT to hear all about that one time when you had it so much worse. I want to be fucking miserable and enjoy it.

In that vein, the following things can Fuck Off.

* the telephone that won't stop ringing off the hook
* Ketchup
* mail that only contains bills
* people who insist that there is something Wrong with me
* people who insist there is NOTHING Wrong with me and I should just "cheer up"
* Abnormal test results
* having my office moved to sit by The Evil
* DVR's that cut off the last minute of a show
* opening a new check-out after I've already unloaded my cart on the conveyor and still have to wait for some stupid twat with every newspaper insert for the last month trying to price match.
* fabric softener stains on white shirts
* shoes that stink
* job interviews that last five minutes and result in a form letter telling you to suck it, you're lacking the skills needed to OPEN MAIL and ANSWER THE PHONE
* people who say mean things and then get all butt-hurt when you take offense to them
* not being able to just check out of 'real'
* unanswered prayers
* Lite Mayonnaise
* companies that intentionally spell things wrong like "Kountry Kitchen"
* Reruns of the only episode of the show I've ever seen
* NetFlix not having the last season of a show I DO want to watch
* Pennies
* Left overs that are too dried out to eat
* Commercials talking about how you "deserve" a new car
* dead bugs
* live bugs
* computer bugs
* insomnia
* tepid coffee
* soda machines that eat your money and give you nothing
* lists of things that can Fuck Off
* Shush saying I'm funnier when I'm miserable and it being true
* "verbiage"
* full trash cans
* Pop Tarts. Because I don't have any.
* Paying for parking
* underwear that creeps
* cryptic Facebook statuses
* bad photographs
* Ke$ha
* Marijuana being illegal
* People who think you can legislate love
* Forwarded emails about Frozen Black Headless Dino Angel Sister Jesus who went missing from Bumfuck and urgently needs you to copy this email so that Bill Gates will buy him a Coke at Disneyland

I would make a list of things that can Not Fuck Off, but I've been sitting here for an hour and all I have listed are bacon, cake and kittens.

5 little kittens say Meow:

Lin said...

lol, wow that's on big-o list!

Chibi said...

I may have to borrow this idea when I have a Don't-You-TELL-Me-To-Fucking-Smile Day.

xoxo

CK said...

How about Diet Coke?

But yeah, I'm with you on the Ke-dollar sign-ha thing.

fattie20xl said...

i wouldn't let Ke$ha suck it. that's like instaids.

ketchup does indeed suck, and lite mayo? ALL MAYO IS GROSS!!!

why can't the world fucking understand that!!!

JQ Brat said...

this post is exactly how i feel. depression has made me it's bitch. Again. Fuck.