Friday, May 9, 2008

Why I should Get My Own Room For Mother's Day

My husband can't understand why I am so cranky in the morning. It's because I do not sleep well. Not because of nightmares, not because I don't go to bed early, but because I'm never, ever comfortable.


Let me give you an illustrated version of why (you can click on the pictures to see them in detail)

Fig 1 - 10pm


See? I look pretty comfy don't I? I have plenty of room, plenty of covers and a comfy sleeping position. But, then there is;

Fig 2 10:30pm




Now, I am less comfy, but still not too bad. I still have most of my half of the bed, still have all my covers. Keep in mind Dog A is a rottweiler, so this drawing is to scale. Sometime later though, lucky me, comes this development;

Fig 3. midnight


Note that Dog B is almost the same size as Dog A. Also note that J has not moved an inch yet has managed to steal half the covers.

Still, I could deal with this. I mean really, I have learned to sleep through the sounds of Law & Order SVU reruns played 24-7 by a certain teenager while she listens to the Jonas Brothers at near top volume and talks on the phone because like OMG, can you believe how CUTE Joe Jonas is? LIKE NO WAY is Nick cuter! He is NOT! You are so way beyond, like CRAZY! So I can just scooch a little this way and scrunch a tad that way and I'll be fine. Right? Yeah. Not so much, because then there is this;


Fig 4. 12:15am


This is how I spend the rest of the night. Uncovered, being butt-cuddled by the Puppy, scrunched up to avoid crowding Dog B while both Dog A and my soundly sleeping husband blissfully saw logs.

P.S. Would someone please print this out and save it? My defense attorney might need it for the trial.

P.P.S. To all my mommy peeps, it's competely fine to check yourself into a 5-star hotel for the weekend and subsist entirely on champagne and chocolate for the next two days. Or two weeks. Or until they finally track you down and drag you home because they are all out of socks and you're the only one who is capable of working the washing machine. And also, can you please make 3 dozen cupcakes by tomorrow morning at 7? OH, and um, about that smell...see the thing is Dogs and entire boxes of cookies aren't compatible after all. And we're out of milk. And no one knows why there is glitter in the carpet. And the ceiling fan has always made that noise, so it's definately NOT because we tried to use it to fly. Also? Um..you might need to call a plumber. No, you don't want to know why. LOVE YOU MOMMY! Happy Mother's Day!

6 little kittens say Meow:

Nadine Hightower said...

Do you have a king size bed?? Surely you do?? Or maybe get the dogs a bed of their own.

But what I really love is your use of illustrations!!
You are sooooo smart!!

Miss Thystle said...

I do have a king size bed. And I am not the king of it. Woe is me!

Eric said...

You could always kick the husband out of the bed?

Darlene said...

Make the dogs and J sleep in another room. Yeah. YOUR BED!

Happy Mothers Day!!!

Betsy said...

Oh this is too funny. We have a queen size bed and I am now 13 days away from my scheduled c section so you can imagine how I'm looking these days. LARGE. But for some reason the cat still seems to find her way onto MY side of the bed!

Anonymous said...

One thing to say to you:
ScatMat
http://www.scatmat.com/

My little feline friend no longer tries to walk into my bedroom uninvited. She just meows outside the door. Loudly. But the mat does work.
landinn