Why I am going to Hell, reason 9,652

So my beloved Sister is getting married in September. She's very laid back and describes her wedding colors as "comfortable green". Yes, vague, I know. But nice. Because some of us (me) do not look good in all shades of green so we've got the option to find a color that suits us.

She's also allowed each of the bridesmaids to find their own style dress, shoes of their choice, etc. Basically, she's a bridal consultants nightmare. She even made a "floral designer" sputter with indignation when she said, "Oh, I don't care, whatever's easiest". EASIEST? Has this girl NEVER been to a wedding? There is NO easiest when it comes to wedding, there is only "How many hoops can I make my friends jump through before someone strangles me with their butt-bow?".

So, in an effort to make her wedding as dramatic as possible her mother-in-law texts her everyday to nag her about what shoes the bridesmaids will be wearing. *I* am wearing red patten peep toe platforms. With sparkles and *maybe* a slot in the toe bed for cash. Just saying.
But this isn't about my shoes. This is about the damn dress. So y'all remember when I was searching all over hells half acre for this dress in green?

Yeah, well it doesn't exist. Anywhere. So I figured if I couldn't have the dress I wanted I'd do my very best impression of a Long Island Princess in this dress instead;

Cute right? So I find the color that looks best with the dresses already been ordered and march my happy ass into the nearest David Bridal to order it. Except you need to have ordered in 23 weeks in advance. I (rudely) point out the color just became AVAILABLE less than a week before. They do not care. I order this dress instead in the picturesque color of fern;



IT will be here in mid August.

I'm pretty pleased with myself thinking that I'm all done with that horrible, mind sucking place BUT NO. I have to go order M's JR bridesmaid dress. SIGH.

So back I go. I wait in line for 25 minutes while the ONE sales girl working the front has a long involved discussion about canapes and shrimp boats and the virtue of the color "serenity" over "smoke" when at LONG FUCKING LAST it is my turn.

The following conversation ensues;

BridalGirl - Is the um, like, BRIDE registered here?
Me - No. But I should be in your system. I ordered a dress on Saturday
(side note; see how I am being MOSTLY polite?)
BG - You, like, need ANOTHER dress?
Me - It's not for me. It's for my daughter
BG - OH, I was like OMG, Who needs TWO dresses, even I don't, um, LOVE weddings that like much
Me - Me either. My 13 year old does though
BG - LIKE OMG, you look like so YOUNG to have a teenager!
Me - I gave birth when I was 10

(uncomfortable silence)
(nervous laughter)
(uncomfortable silence)

What? Like you wouldn't have done the same thing!