Thursday, April 15, 2010

Carry On

Right. So. The Crazy.

Yes, yes. I know this is an Old Topic and I've discussed it to Death. The thing about the Crazy is, it's all consuming. Think you're okay? HAHAHAH. God laughs at your Okay. Check book balanced with enough left over for some shoes you don't need? Kiss your transmission goodbye. Not enough to send you over the edge? Let's add in a roofing estimate $7000 more than you'd planned. Still okay? Well, let's talk about an old dog that's decided to gnaw off the cancerous tumor that's inoperable! What? YOU'RE STILL NOT ROCKING IN A CORNER? FINE. How about if I poke this little whatsit so the washing machine starts to make a funny noise? DAMN IT WOMAN, WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE BOOBY HATCH YET? Fine. FINE. I'll just make this stove burner not turn off, and I'll....I'll....oh! rust out the shower door track! and I'll....raise your cable and cell and insurance bills and then I'll....remind you that you still have to pay for summer camp! Including plane tickets! OH! Hahaha! One more thing! I'll slip in this amusing little tip bit; your in-laws haven't EVER paid rent or a mortgage in their entire lives! And someone just bought them a new house and updated the entire interior! What's that? You don't think that's funny? Well the knob to the kitchen sink just came off in your hands and you still have to roll down the window to use the latch on the OUTSIDE to open your car door. THAT IS FUNNY, RIGHT? Don't you think it's annoying when someone else gets a new car handed to them? Maybe you want to see pictures anyway? OH COME ON. YOU KNOW THAT'S FUNNY.

No?

Hey!?

Why are you hiding under the desk eating a grilled cheese and Xanax sandwich? I haven't shown you what I've done to the fence in the back yard!

Oh! And did I mention that you're going to have house guests for the next month who're going to be less than impressed that your fourteen year old dog sometimes forgets the difference between carpet and grass?

I really can't understand why you're drinking wine straight out of the bottle, because I haven't even told you the BEST. PART. YET! you're going to get to spend every hour you're not at work with your husband! DOESN'T THAT SOUND AWESOME?

No?

FINE. You can have nightmares when you DO manage to sleep, but that is IT. You're not getting anything else.

Except a really huge papercut.

I hope you're satisfied, missy.

So. Yeah. The Crazy and me? We're still here, just....sometimes we're not fit for company, you know?

5 little kittens say Meow:

Lin said...

Holy crap girl, you sure have your hands full. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will start looking up for you & for the safety of your family, haha.

Good luck!

Nadine Hightower said...

Breathe Deep! And remember it may look like your shit bucket runth over right now. You are not alone.

Keep Eating the Your special sandwiches... and hang in there.

Hugs!

CK said...

Mmmm. Grilled cheese and Xanax sure would hit the spot right about now.

Feel free to call and kvetch about in-laws if you want.

OHN said...

Holy shit.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Sounds like someone had a kind of crappy day!