Tuesday, June 3, 2008

In which I channel my middle aged father

So I had this really preachy blog going about how being positive, even when things are have gone completely pear shaped, is the only thing that will bring positive things back into your life. I thought it could do with a little illustration, so I hopped over to photobucket to look for the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon wherein Calvin is seen to be yelling to they sky "I'm signifigant! screamed the speck" But of course I couldn't find it. I found this

which, while likely true (true of myself, at any rate!) just wasn't quite what I was going for. So I kept searching.

As I scrolled through the billions of images looking for the one that says "Stop being such a pussy. The Universe isn't out to get you, you're just not THAT important" I started to notice something alarming. That something? The "Sup" face.

Can he (she?) possibly look like any more of a goober? The stupid hair is bad enough, throwing the gang sign for the Fashion District Hispters is tragic, the fingerless gloves made me cry a little and the fact that s/he is taking a self portrait in the shitter is fitting, but the face? WHY THE F must all teenagers who are trying to be cool make that stupid pursed lipped face?

They do it when they're alone

They do it when they're in pairs

and what a F-ING SHOCK they do it when they gather with their herd

they do it when they're attempting to look cool for their MySpace profile so that they can lure in other Sup-facers to mate with

(yeah, and don't get me started on people who aren't old enough to shave giving the "Shocker", that's a whole 'nother subject)

As I scrolled through image after shocking image of dorkularity, I became worried. What if this trend spreads? What if everywhere you go, people make the Sup face? What if the Sup face replaces the O face? Will I ever be able to have sex with someone other than myself without laughing?

What if the Sup Face becomes the hallmark of the generation that is going to have to support and care for me in my old age? How the hell can I take seriously a doctor with a Sup Face?

"Miss Thystle, I'm Doctor Wackenheimer, I'll be performing your brain surgery, but first, I wanna say.....SSSSUUUUPPPPP, hoooommmmmskillet?? Less give it UP for ma bitches Nurse Wanda and Nurse Dee! Ima bouts to scrub the shizzet from una ma finga nails then we gonna do this thang, aight?"

Can this be stopped before it spreads any further? If we just, say, lobotomized everyone between 12 and 20 could it be halted?

What? What do you mean, It's already too late?

Dear Gods, NOT THE BABIES TOO! When will this madness end? WHEN?

Back in MY day, when they were just inventing dirt and the whole world was black and white we NEVER made the Sup Face! We smiled for the camera and we LIKED it. We walked up hill, six miles in the SNOW to have our picture taken and we got there we combed our hair with CRISCO and then we put on our crinolines or skinny ties, laced up our saddle shoes and then we held still for thirty seven hours WITH OUT EVEN BLINKING so that we could memorialize our stoic visages for future generations! And this is how you repay us? WITH THE SUP FACE?
Some people's kids, I tell ya.

2 little kittens say Meow:

Nadine Hightower said...

And where did this "SupFace" come from??? That's a puzzlement to me!

Anonymous said...

LMAO...I didn't get the "SUP" until I put it with 'whazzup'. TOO FUNNY.