"B" Side

I was thinking last night, when I should have been sleeping. That seems to be my curse, recently. Sleeplessness I mean. Not thinking.

I was thinking about how every favorite song I’ve ever had could be the story of my life. Not my life right then exclusively, either. There is something about some songs that make them stick with you. It’s as if the song writer reached into your brain and pulled out every hope, every fear, and every thought and set them to music.

I tried to remember every song that’s ever been my favorite. My song. It’s funny, you know, I can remember almost all of them. Words and all. I could sing them for you if you wanted me to. I assure you that you don’t though. Music? Not my gift.

So here, in the interest of vanity, is my list. The mixed tape of my life you could say. (In chronological order, as best I can recall). It’s long, but I couldn’t make it shorter, so just stay with me here!

Looking for Love – Johnny Lee. A sweet little country song from the eighties about never finding love when you’re looking for it. Nice. Excellent first favorite song. I was 3 or maybe 4 when I begged for this record at the PX in Ewa Beach. Do you suppose your first favorite song sets the tone for your life? I hope not, because M’s first favorite song? Mambo #5

The Gambler – Kenny Rogers. I know.

Take It Easy – The Eagles. I still love this song. I love the covers of this song. I have been through Winslow, AZ, but I’ve yet to stand on the corner there. I will though, it’s on my LIST.

It’s my Life – Billy Joel. This was the theme to the show “Bosom Buddies”. I loved that show and I still do. Tom Hanks in drag? Always funny. But the song; that I didn’t get until much later. Every time I hear it, I sing along. Sorry.

Time after Time­ – Cyndi Lauper and later Eva Cassidy. Who didn’t have this album? It had Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on it as well. Also an excellent song, but some how the slightly stalkerish feel of Time after Time always felt more me.

9 to 5 – Dolly Parton. I had this on tape and wore it out. We had a skit, I think, that involved water balloons and bra’s stolen from my mother’s drawers. We used to perform it on the neighbors retaining wall as we lip synced into broom handles and blared the music on the olive green tape deck we found in my dad’s “work” room.

Posse on Broadway­ – HF and I spent HOURS stopping the tape and scribbling down the lyrics on purple note book paper with a purple pen. I still know all the words. This song is way better than Baby Got Back if you ask me. A close second to this would have been Kid Sensation Buttermilk Biscuits because it’s hilarious.

The Unforgiven – Metallica. Nice and depressing. Just the way a teenager’s favorite song should be.

Live and Let Die – Guns n’ Roses. OMG, did I want Slash’s hair. I got this song on tape from a friend for Christmas. I bought her one of the “Use Your Illusion” CD’s and she bought me the other.

You Spin Me Right Round (like a record) – Dead or Alive. This song was old by the time it infiltrated my life. I think I was 14 or maybe 15 and Miss Diva and I would occasionally ride the bus to the University District in Seattle and sneak/cajole/flirt our way into clubs. I have a very vivid memory of Miss Diva in Mini Mouse ears at a bus stop at 5am. The sun is just coming up and we’ve been out all night. I remember wishing I could be that cool all the time. I totally wasn’t though. I was a huge dork.

Rusty Cage – Sound Garden. I’d been listening to Seattle punk scene for a while. This was the first big single for Sound Garden and it was cool to say that I was a fan before.

Bird House in Your Soul – They Might Be Giants. This one came to me via a mixed tape from a friend with infinitely cooler music sense then I’ll ever have.

Jose Cuervo­ ­­– Shelly West. This song taught me about drunken one night stands. We played in incessantly on the juke box at the back of the Four Aces while we nursed cokes and fries with cheese. And generally acted like idiots. This is the song I learned about boys to. It reminds me of a time in my life where anything was possible and Fire Birds and Marlboro Reds were cool.

Hearts in Armor­ – Trisha Yearwood. Ah, yes. Broken, wounded, angsty hearts. Teenage dramatics much? Still a good song though. This song took me to college. I remember listening to it in the car on my super awesome new Disc Man and thinking about the boy I’d left behind. Stupid Boys. They’re about to become a theme on this playlist.

Desperado­ & Peaceful Easy Feeling – The Eagles. Both songs remind me of boys. Of two different boys. One I loved and one I thought I loved. Both broke my heart, but for different reasons. Then? Then I hated them, but now I think it was just a lesson I needed to learn.

Asshole­ – Dennis Leary. This song? This one came on a mixed tape from the boy I did not love and who did not love me. He taught me about lying, about what it means to take responsibility for your actions and why you should always trust your instincts. He was the type of boy that you shouldn’t have in your past. He was the type of boy who taught me to guard my thoughts. I am still angry with him. But he did make a kick ass mixed tape.

The Dance – Garth Brooks. This song, too, reminds me of a boy. This boy was worse than the rest, the worst one before or since. But I loved him. God save me from myself, but to this day, I think about him. Every day. I sometimes think I see him, in places where he should not be and my heart stops. For just a moment, everything stops and I can not breathe. But then, it’s not him and my heart pounds in my ears and I’m not sure if I’m glad for it or not. Because the paperwork involved in homicide is very daunting…but not daunting enough to dissuade me.

Cecilia – Simon & Garfunkel. This song used to play all the time at the Rockin’ R Bar. My gorgeous roommate Larkin and I used to sneak in and pick up boys. One night, we hooked up with a Hawaiian and a bull rider who we were taking home with us, only they got in a fight in the parking lot when some dumbasses tried to beat up the retarded guy who used to drink there as well. The cowboy’s name was Jeff I think and I can still hear him saying “They knocked out my GodDamnit Tooth! Five years of bull riding and I never lost a one and now a stupid ass goat fucker gone knocked out my goddamnit tooth!”. Good times, good times.

I Must Increase My Bust – Lords of Acid. I had almost forgotten this one. Larkin and I used to play this album so loudly the windows rattled. I wonder if I still have this CD?

Closer to God – NIN. At the risk of telling you WAY TOO MUCH, this song? Every time I hear it all I can think about is wild, wild sex with a long haired boy who didn’t belong to me. I can’t hear it with out getting aroused.

Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffet. My twin and I are living in a turquoise singlewide at the end of a dirt road. There is a cast of characters and drama and heart ache. There are moments where everything is clear and perfect and days when I can not bring myself to get out of bed. In the back ground though is always the thought that I can walk away, any time I want and it keeps me going.

Trashy Women – Confederate Railroad. This ties with Fat Bottom Girls by Queen for the song I want playing in the opening credits when my life becomes a movie.

Wonderful Tonight ­­­- Eric Clapton. I am raising a baby by myself now. I have a boyfriend that I have written a friend “will do for now”. He’s in a band, which is cool. He plays the guitar and sings to me sometimes when we’re alone. I’d never heard this song before he played it for me. When he sang it on stage, adding it to the set at my request, he’d change the lyrics from “long blonde hair” to “long red hair” for me. He kind of sucked as a boyfriend, but that will stick with me always, the very public acknowledgement of my existence.

Song for the Dumped- Ben Folds’ Five. This is the kind of break up I always wished I had the balls for.

Don’t Want to Miss a Thing­ – Aerosmith. This was the theme to the movie my husband took me to on our first and only date. It was our first dance when we got married less than a year later.

Cold Day in July­ – The Dixie Chicks. Every marriage has it’s ups and downs and I suppose mine no more than any other. This song reminds me that it needs to be nurtured because the end sometimes come with a whimper rather than a bang.

Milkshake – Kelis. To be honest? I don’t really love this song, but it reminds me to laugh. I worked at a job I didn’t like but stayed at because I loved my coworkers. It was the kind of job you didn’t want to miss, because you never know when the next in-joke will start and you want to be in on it. One day things were particularly stressed, so I stood up and said, “Hey! I just want you all to know something!” and then started singing and shaking my booty. By the time I was done (about three lines in) we were all crying with laughter and dancing along.

Gotta Get Up From Here – Ellie Lawson. I play this song on days when I think that things will never get better. Every day is a new day and you get to decide if it’s going to be a good one. You need to own your life. Own your choices. Own you happiness.

This is the part where the list breaks down. This next group of songs has no order and stories I’d rather not tell or no story at all, but still deserves to be included.

I’m Movin’ On ­– Rascal Flatts
Realize – Colbi Calait
In My Life – Bette Middler
Break Down Here – Julie Roberts
Lady Down on Love – Alabama
White Flag – Dido
Paralyzer – Finger Eleven
Hate Me – Blue October
Battle of Who Could Care Less – Ben Folds Five
Stronger Woman – Jewel
I Need You – Trisha Yearwood
Penny to My Name ­- Eva Cassidy
In the Rough – Anna Nalik
What Mattered Most – Doug Supernaw
Boston – Augustana
Baby Blue ­- George Strait
I can’t Love You Anymore – Gary Nichols
I Will Survive -Gloria Gaynor

This brings me to the last song on the list. My theme song. The song that I want you to always think of me when you hear.

Still Got My Health – Better Middler.

Tell me, though, what’s your theme song? Which one song sums it all up, which one song are YOU?