Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Public Service

I find my analytics endlessly entertaining. And a leeeetle disturbing. But! In the interest of assisting the world in their quest for knowledge, I've chosen the repeat searches to address here. So search no more, Kittens!

Q) bio fit bra + transgender
A) Yes, sugar, you CAN wear a bio fit bra. Even if you're a man. We don't judge here. One must be fabulous mustn't one? Maybe order on line though. Just saying.

Q) Blogger + granny + saggy
A) What the fuck, man? Are you referring to my granny panties? Because shut up! They're comfortable. Until they get so big that they blouse around your buttocks and then scrunch up until you've got panty lines that would make Stacey London fall down dead. Then it's time to buy new ones. Or go with out. If that's what you're in to. Not me so much. Ever zipped your pubes? Then you know why. Not that I've ever done that. I tend to...well never mind what might or might not have happened when my waxer went away for the holidays and I tried to use J's hair clippers for a bit of maintenance and wound up looking like a mangy porn star.

Q)Dumification
A) I have nothing to do with the dumification of the interwebz. I place blame for that solely on the likes of Perez Hilton and his propensity for drawing white dribbles down every "celebrities" leg. See how I just used "propensity"? Proof I'm not at fault.

Q)Fear of Outhouses + snake phobia
A) Yes. Very much. Have you ever USED an outhouse? I rest my case.

Q) SriLankan homely aunties with bra and panties still photos
A) So are you offering me these or asking me for them? Because I don't care WHAT you've heard I don't hang with exhibitionist sri lankan aunties. Very often.

Q) Turd farming unflushed toilet
A) Might I refer you to the fear of outhouses reader? I suspect you two have much to talk about.
Also? Gross.

Q) Why don't the British fix their teeth?
A) Beats me. Perhaps they're less obsessed with the superficial implications of popular standard of beauty than Americans? Or maybe it's just too expensive? Or maybe they don't want to offend the Queen who may or may not have British Teeth Syndrome because if they did she'd chop off their heads and then where would they put their hats?

Q) Shamwow Party with Xanax
A) Oh. My. God. Yes. I am so there. There is nothing in the world I enjoy more than a party that involves hooker punching, disturbing weasel faces pitch men, absorbent material and legally prescribed narcotics. Unless it's a party with ILLEGALLY prescribed narcotics, hookers wearing absorbent material while punching weasel faced overly loud pitchmen.

5 little kittens say Meow:

Doc said...

Very nice... and I see your point about the zippy pubes thing.

Kr√ęg said...

Hard to zip pubes into a button-fly. Equally hard to button my penis in there by accident.

Who the hell gets off on homely sri lankan aunties? There's probably only like one guy in the world into that, and I'd wager all his search strings only returned results that (with the exception of yours) pointed back at himself. Or herself.

Nadine Hightower said...

whew! I can't take the blame for any of those! Not like last time.

But if you get those odd comments for JapaneseAssPorn like BJ ...well there you go.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm scared to look at mine now...I don't know if I could sleep knowing what people searched for and ended up at my little dusty corner of the web. :::shudder:::

ZDub said...

AWESOME.

I'm gonna go look at mine now.