Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Operation Obnoxious

I almost never make New Years resolutions, but I did this year. Rather than follow the trend of making a resolution to do something I know I should but don't really want to do because it's torture, like quit drinking or work out more; I decided to make one about something that I tend to not do, but really DO want to. Thusly, I resolved to have more fun.

Being a severe type A kind of person, I tend to forgo fun in favor of things like cleaning the bathroom and alphabetizing the DVD's. Because, you know, that's what I SHOULD be doing. At least in my version of The Crazy.

Also, in spite of my loud mouthed interwebz alter-ego, in person I am not terribly outgoing and that too tends to curb my ability to have fun.

It's been a month and I was pretty much sucking at this resolution. So Saturday, instead of doing laundry, I took M to a movie and Sunday, instead of arriving on time (I KNOW) for a dinner party, I stayed and hung out with some friends.

Yesterday, I decided to ramp it up with a little project I'm calling Operation Obnoxious. My theory is this; people will go out of their way to be polite when put into an uncomfortable situation. So, I'm going to introduce the situation for my own amusement. I'm sorry, minimum wage workers of the world. It has to be done.

Mission Number One.
The Post Office

PO Lady: How're you doing today?
Me: I have a headache
PO Lady: That's too bad.
Me: Can I ask you a quick question?
PO Lady: Sure
Me: Does this hair color make me look too much like a zombie?
PO Lady (pause)
PO Lady: No! Not at all. It looks great.
Me: Well, if you're sure
PO Lady: I am. It's great with your skin tone.

Mission Two

Checker: Did you find everything you need today?
Me: no
Checker: What can we help you find?
Me: Quick lime?
Checker: Is that something you cook with?
Me: No, I need to dispose of a body.
Checker: Um. Maybe hardware?

See? It's not TOO terrible, but it's VASTLY entertaining.

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to hell. I know.

4 little kittens say Meow:

Kr√ęg said...

I tried something similar to the Quick Lime gambit when I once asked an Atwoods (feed & tack store) employee if spacebags would mask the stench of decomposition.

Elly Lou said...

You have to take it up a notch at Walmart. First, hit the lingerie section and throw a leopard print nightie over your clothes. Then cruise over to the sporting goods section and slip on a pair of rollerblades. THEN roll on up to the checkout gal singing Borderline and start with the questions.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

ROFL!!! That is hilarious!

Chibi Jeebs said...

God, I love you.