It's always 1983 on the midway

I'm fairly certain that the state fair exists somewhere in a time warp. There is no other explanation for the proliferation of Bolivian Cowboy Hats (tm). And people were buying them.



People who do not seem to understand the ironic glory of an airbrushed trucker hat. People who intend to wear them. On their heads. While sober.

M had a good time though, eating foods that don't exist anywhere but the fair. Things like deep fried mashed potato lumps and turkey legs.



Making out with farm animals

Risking life and limb on rides that may have been safety inspected some time in the Nixon administration







And trying on ridiculous glasses.



which I didn't buy, but now I kind of wish I had. Instead, for my souvenir, I got a sunburn.



(Which goes SUPER AWESOME with my robot hickeys from my sleep study that I redid on Friday night.)

And then, there was Jeannie. I don't necessarily believe in fortune telling and all that, but I also don't not believe. So for $2, I thought, what the hell? And this is what I got



I know it's hard to read, but HOLY CRACKERS is it spookily on target.

Prediction one - "An emergency situation will only be a minor inconvenience" - J had a tire blow out like an hour before. It should be covered by the tire warranty.

Prediction two - "Your stubborn manner will lead to physical problems" - I REFUSE to pick up J's mess. It's part of my campaign for clean. And by that, I mean; I WANT A DAMN CLEANING SERVICE. A few hours later, I tripped and kicked one of his abandoned boots and fractured my baby toe.

Prediction four - "Beware the unexpected" - I had to unexpectedly reduce my staff at work by a third on Friday.

Prediction nine - "Offense will be taken by another to offhand remarks you accidentally make" - Oh, Jeannie, it's like you read my soul. How, I ask you, HOW do you know that I have no filter on my mouth?

Now I'm pretty sure she's some relation of Zolton and I'm glad I didn't wish to be big, because if I had, I'd be typing this using my cane while drinking Metamucil through a straw, hosing down the neighbor kids and wondering wear I left my "good" teeth.