Friday, October 3, 2008

Rocka-my-baby

Couldn't sleep again last night, and I've got nothing to blog about today. So I decided to make y'all a list of the various, insightful and thoughtful things that I thunk about as I was laying there thinking.

* You know what sounds super dirty, but isn't? The word batter. As in "oh, whip that batter, baby. Whip it until STIFF PEAKS form. Ooh, you know how Big Daddy likes his batter sweet. You want to lick the batter of my beater, don't you?". See? DIRTY.

* I bet the debate would have been more watchable if Joe & Sarah had consented to the pudding-wrestling round. That's how all elections should be run. Once you discover who is most willing to shove some one's face into a kiddie pool of Kozy Shak and shout, "TAKE THAT, BITCH", that's who you should vote for.

*I really like the way the Brit's use slang. I should start saying "nutter" and "wanker" and "brill".

* What do you call those little dots in the middle of the time? The ones that look like umlauts, except sideways? I should get up and Google that.

* Right now, it's 5 side ways dot-dot one five am on Saturday in the Philippines.

* Is it FILL-a-Peens or PILL-a-peens? I should call a random number over there and ask.

* I wonder whatever happened to the chick that played the robot on Small Wonder? What the hell was that robots name? Vicki. That's right. I've had three bosses called Vicki. I wonder if they were robots? I bet at least one of them was. That would explain why she never peed one time in five years. That show was good. I like shows that suspend belief. Like Pushing Daisy's. I should start dressing like Chuck. I love that era.

* But that would require wearing nylons. And we all know where THAT leads.

* Damn. I could totally eat some waffles right now.

* Did I remember to put the clothes in the dryer?

* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL. Damn, dog, you are NOT RIGHT.

* Seriously, you can TASTE that stink. I still want waffles though.

* If I stick my legs straight up in the air, my thighs look really good. Wonder if it works for my arms too? Totally does. I bet it would look weird if someone saw me right now. I totally look like a cartoon dead guy.

* z-y-x-w-v-u-t-s-r FUCK. I would be SO FUCKED if I got this as my sobriety test.

* Should I dress up for Halloween this year? Or is it too tarty? HA! I just stuck a brit-ism into a sentence! That rocks. Anyway, Halloween...hm. I COULD be Mrs. Roper. I bought that wicked cool mumu at the Sal that would totally work.

* NO! MAGDA. I'll be Magda.

* I should totally trick or treat.

* Ah, rember when M was a baby and she called it Trink or Treat? That was so cute. It's only a matter of time before she stops saying "Balentimes" too, I bet.

* And when she thought the moon was a cookie? And she was jumping up and down in the yard trying to get it? That was cute. Almost a cute as when she used to yell "I WUNNERFULL!" when she was pleased with herself. Or run up and down the halls calling for "Drama Dulie". Or stamping her little foot and muttering "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

* Kids are so cute!

* I hate kids.

* Oompa, loompa, doompadee do, I've got a-nother message for you....

* Dude. This cell phone is wicked bright. How the hell did I get three voice mails yesterday? No. I do not want to refinance my house. Are you kidding me with this shit? Yeah, yeah, pay the cable bill. And a hang up. Nice. No one ever calls me.

* I should be a phone sex operator, people would totally call me then.

* Ah, that makes me think of college. Good times, good times.

* Wonder whatever happened to Janice. Remember how she used to steal my clothes. That sucked. I hope she got that acne cleared up. Her face looked like hamburger.

* That was mean. Am I a mean person? Probably.

* I'm such a wanker.

* HA! DID IT AGAIN!

11 little kittens say Meow:

Jane-Fay said...

If you are referrin' to Governor Palin, you should say PUDDIN' WRESTLIN'.
I wonder if her real name is actually Paling?

Chica? You seriously need some Ambien.

Nadine Hightower said...

I have say two things before I forget....and I will.

1) Your daughter in the beehive is sooooo cute! So much better than goth and kool aide hair.
2) Okay I forgot.

That's how my brain works. Only when I lay there unable to sleep I come up with really cool blogs....and then I fall back to sleep and forget them. So you wind up with the crap I put out.

hehehehe she said put out!

Oh yeah, and Tequila makes her get all slutty!!
Well me at least. Men have viagra and I have Tequila.

Nadine Hightower said...

One more thing...cuz like I totally forgot...When I can't sleep Roy says I should wake him up for sex.

Like that's the cure.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Hey Batter Batter......

* I like the Aussie slang that thirdontheright.blogspot uses. Especially the word wee in reference to something small. CBoy is not digging that I have begun to introduce him to friends as my "wee lad." He thinks it's a reference to urination.

* the little dots between the numbers in time are called A COLON. I say this with some trepidation knowing that you found the word "batter" dirty- I can only imagine what you'll do with that. I feel like I just handed my four year old a bic lighter.

* Ahhh Vicki. I don't think of her that much. Too much brain space occupied by A Very Special Episode of Blossom.

* Yeah, well if I raise my arms over my head you should see how fab my boobs look. Unfortunately if i went around like this i would have to shave the pits more regularly than I do.

* FIVE HUNDRED OTHER BLOGGER FRIENDS?!? Really? Because *sniff* I really used to think i was special........

Bj in Dallas said...

you ALL are crackin (palin-esk)
me up!!!
I'm glad you wrote the random thoughts, I too think that is the only way to get them the hell out of our heads.
Batter does not turn me on...
Neither does a COLON...were you out that day in English???
M2 thinks its cool she knows the area code to the Cayman Islands, wish she would just get a BANK ACCT code and I'll grab the passports....
Who is Magda???
My British friend calls gay men uphill gardners- I have no idea what that is.....afraid to ask.
They also say Chin-On is also a term that is pretty close to F#$% You, and you brush the bottom of your chin
The day M2 stopped saying Torn on the Tob was life changing for me...
man when do you sleep?

Miss Thystle said...

I know what a colon is sillies. I just thought it should have a different name because it was part of time, not a sentence.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Well of course a colon is part of time, you goose. Try sharing A SINGLE BATHROOM with my husband if you ever doubt that fact.

Bj in Dallas said...

what is it with men and bathrooms?
I decided against an entire post regarding the fact that my toilet seats have been down for two months....and it makes me happy...

Holly said...

I hear adults say ValentiMes Day all the time. Trust me, yoiu should HOPE that she does stop saying Balentimes.

Megan said...

This might very well be one of the best lists I have read in a long, long time!

Not that long ago, when I was up in the middle of the night with baby A, all I could think about was how effing bright that damn cell phone was. And how I don't have any games on it. Not even Snake, or whatever it was called. How was I supposed to stay awake and not drop a baby if I can't even play games?!

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