Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dear Abby

I don't usually do posts like this, because really, who wants to read a bunch of whining all the time? But there's only so much whining I can do to the people I see IRL before they're all "WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?" and then I'm all "GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO HATE YOU TOO!".

That's how we talk around here, in all capital letters.

So today I'm going to whine to you and if you don't want to read it then just come back later, okay?

I am so very, very tired of fighting with my husband. Seriously. There are only so many times that I can bite my tongue before it falls off and then how would I blow the gum bubbles that annoy my mother so much?

Through the years of being married me & J have never been one of those joined at the hip couples. Mostly because while I am willing to do things that I don't enjoy just because he enjoys them, he isn't willing to do the same and so most of my hobbies, trips, etc are done with friends while he stays home and acts like he's some kind of martyr for "allowing" me to do things.

When it comes to things around the house, it's all me, all the time. He claims that his "job" is to "protect us" and that counts as an equal amount of housework and since it's either do it myself or be buried in trash and dirty laundry while weeds grow up to cover the house, I do it myself. Well, not the yard work, that I hire out, because it's fucking HOT here and all the plants in my yard want to kill me.

Because I also work full time away from home, that means from about the time I get home until I go to bed, I'm doing something. Running errands, cooking, cleaning, whatever. Even when I'm watching TV at night chances are the dishwasher is running and I'm folding laundry. It's not fair, but it's better than arguing about it.

Recently though he's started to bitch that I never want to spend any time with him. If I'm in the bathroom cleaning toilets, it's because I'm avoiding him. If I'm cleaning out my closet, it's because I don't like him any more. If I run to the grocery to buy toilet paper, I'm abandoning him. I'm seriously at my wits end here. If I don't do these things, they don't get done, but if I DO do them, then I'm a bad wife? WTF? And if I ask HIM to do them? Well, lordy be, he makes $4 hour more than I do, so that means it's MY job because he's the "bread winner"? WTF again, I ask?

THEN on Sunday when we went to lunch with BabyMama and Smooth (and my wee little Gigibella) he tells them that I need "drugs to be able to stand being near (him)". First of all, yes, I do. Secondly, what if I didn't WANT the whole world to know that I am dependant on pharmaceutical intervention to keep from screaming? Of course, I retorted (and I swear to you that I did actually say this) that "if (he) wasn't such as asshole then I wouldn't need to, would I?" and BabyMama, God love her, replied that she was on the same thing I was and he shut up.

We're headed to Vegas for the weekend so that he can go to a bowling tournament and I absolutely DO NOT want to go. It's wrong, isn't it? Shouldn't I be excited? I LOVE Vegas. It's going to be 115* here and a bit less up there. And of course, only 70* inside the casino...LOL. But I feel so anxious at the thought of going that I'm doubling up on my meds to keep functioning.

I'm just at a loss here, Peeps. Any advice would be appreciated.

12 little kittens say Meow:

Lorrie Veasey said...

Dear Thystle,

I have, of course, fabulous advice for you that will make everything all right.

I just forgot what it was.

If I remember, i will be sure to post it here so we can totally hash out your problems in this public arena, which BTW, would have been more fun if you would have provided some details about your sex life.

Just sayin.

Love you darlin. Will email you.

OHN said...

I have been married for 28 years (and I will tell you that 10 of them have actually been kinda ok) and it never ceases to amaze me how clueless men are in the equality department.

My mantra is, don't bitch about it not getting done, if you aren't helping do it.

Mine even whines when I ask him to put his own pillowcases on when I change the sheets and have made 45 trips from one side of the bed to the other tucking corners.

Years ago Dear Abby said in situations like this to ask yourself "are you better off with him, or without him"?

My answer changes daily.

Might be time for a shoot from the hip talk, kind of a bitchslap.

In any event I hope you win big, then you can hire someone to do "his" share ;)

C said...

well, having been married only...7 months I got no advice sadly. Just hugs and a wee little bit of jealousy about Vegas. I didn't get to go on the last trip either, I'm just sayin'.

Zakary said...

Dude, I'm sorry. I know what you mean. My husband wants to fucking go to BLOGHER with me.

You know, a comference for WOMEN?

Sometimes I just want to be left the hell alone.

I have know advice. Perhaps my husband should go with your husband to Vegas.

Yeah, I got nothing.


Nadine Hightower said...

It sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. A layin' down of the law so to speak. "This is how it is, and this is how it's gonna be or I'm walkin'."

It's always worked for me.
He needs to give and not be so needy.
Make sense?

Bj in Dallas said...

Don't go, and tell him why...

ReRe said...

There is a book called "For Men Only" that you should get for him. it's the secret look inside a woman's world. it tells him things that we've been saying forever but they don't listen to us like: if you help me around the house more, i'll want to have sex with you more cus i'll actually have time.

PearlsOfSomething said...

As a stay-at-home-mom who has taken 9 years to realize that yes, I probably should be doing the vast majority of the housework, I don't have much to offer other than astonishment.

As far as the trip, either go or plan some extra fun at home. Don't you dare mop floors while he's out having a blast!

Kr√ęg said...

If I had any good advice about relationships, I'd still be married.

Bobby's Dream said...

I am so sorry chicken! I had no idea!

I feel for you, I really do. I have no freaking advice. I am terrible with these things. Bobby is trying his damndest to make me take my pills everyday so he can stand to be around me.

I lurves ya tho! And I am MONDO jealous about Vegas, even if you are being dragged there.

sheila said...

Well, the last time I went to Vegas I married my there you go.

Drag his butt to an all-night chapel & tell him you'll marry him long as he follows the New Rules, like cleaning up his shit, helping maintain the house he wants to protect, grocery shopping, etc...

Other than that, no real advise. My husband & I don't fight. Seriously, we don't.

supah ~d said...

they're all stupid fucks that's what i say..