Thursday, August 20, 2009


As if there wasn't enough evidence of my mental illness, I submit to you the following evidence.

I am completely convinced that every time I lift the lid of the toilet, I am going to find a snake.


I can not pee in the dark. I can't pee if I can't see the water. I can't pee if I don't first look into the toilet to ensure that there is not, in fact, a snake coiled in the bowl waiting to lunge out and bite me on the hoo ha.

There is no basis for this fear. It's not as if I have ever found anything more malicious than an unflushed turd in the toilet. But still. THERE COULD BE A SNAKE IN THE TOILET, you just NEVER KNOW. It totally happened in that movie Snakes on a Plane and that guy got his weiner bit and then he TOTALLY DIED, y'all. DIED.

This isn't a fear that I admit to because my husband is an asshole who would find it terribly amusing to leave a rubber snake in the toilet just to hear me scream.

Just when I think I've talked myself out of it, just when I think that I am being irrational, I see this article.

Which includes this picture.

THERE IS A MOTHER FUCKING SNAKE IN THE MOTHER FUCKING TOILET. It swam up the pipes. A SNAKE SWAM UP THE PIPES AND INTO THE TOILET. A real mother fucking snake swam into the sewer and up the pipes and INTO THE TOILET.

For reals.

I'm never going to pee again.

10 little kittens say Meow:

sheila said...

OK, and now I will never pee again.

Now I'm off to the store to buy Depends...

Kr√ęg said...

I'd say it was an isolated incident, but I'd be lying.

ZDub said...


I saw a snake in swimming in the bottom of a toilet at the lake once. But it wasn't so much a toilet as a gigantic hole 7 feet down in the ground with a round metal seat on top of it.

It scared the shit out of me.


Chibi said...

I've heard stories like this before and I, too, have to look before I sit. *shivers*

Lesley said...

I thought I was the only one who worried about those motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking toilet!

Now I feel less weird. But still, worried about the snakes.

Lin said...

Eww...I hate snakes! Especially snakes in a toilet. Ugh, I'm never going to be able to just sit down on a toilet again.

Racie Lover said...

I sure can't show this to Paco, who is deathly afraid of even cute, adorable little garden snakes. EEECK!

My father built an old-fashioned outhouse on our farm years ago and one day while we were cutting firewood I said I need to use the loo. He said "Well, now hold on there a minute, cause Farmer Jerry down the road found a black widow spider under the toilet seat in his outhouse, so I better just check ours first". Sure enough, there underneath the seat was a big, fat black widow spider, lying in wait for me to have a sit down. I decided to wait until we got back to town.

Thystle, the reason you are afraid of snakes is very Freudian, but I'm sure you know that. Do you have a sausage phobia, too, by chance?

OHN said...

I say we all go over to Kregs place and unplug his computer and keep him from doing any links from now on.

Nadine Hightower said...

Yes that happened once to a friend!! totally a holy shit moment!

My big toilet fear is those outhouses in parks, you know those with deep pits. As a kid we spent a lot of time at the lake camping and such those type of outhouse were every where. I wouldn't go to them at night at all. I'd rather walk down and pee in the lake but not those outhouses. I could imagine a man down in that pit with a mask and snorkel waiting for me to sit down and pull me into that pit of shit!!

when I told my dad all he did was laugh at me. Hey! It's my fear and it's real!
So I can relate to your snake thing.

Baylee and Blair's page said...

Girl... I TOTALLY do the same thing! Only because a friend of our's actually had this happen to him. After he got OFF the shitter he turned around to look (I'm assuming after he scoped out his turd) to see a water mocasin in the toliet! yikers!!!

Hugs - Tiff