Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Soul Vampires

I like to think I'm fairly reasonable in my expectations of people. I don't expect you to do anything for me that I wouldn't do for you. When it comes right down to it though, in every relationship there is an element of what's in it for me. Let's face it. If you (and by you I mean
me) are not getting something beneficial from a relationship, what's the point of continuing it?

For the most part, in friendships that elusive "something" is just feelings. As my friend, you make me laugh, you listen when I complain, you call me and tell me some crazy thing you saw and I do the same for you. We make each other feel good. Sure, some times you need me to drive you to the airport and sometimes I need you to watch my dogs while I'm out of town. Maybe I always drive and you always pick up the tab for movie snacks. In the end, it's mostly equal. That's why it works.

However, it seems that there are some people who only take. Who, despite the fact that I find their company enjoyable, always seem to want MORE. To want something. I don't mind watching your kids, I have no problem helping you move, I don't even really get upset that I usually wind up subsidizing your meal when we go out Dutch treat for dinner. What I DO mind is that those times are the ONLY times that you call me.

Yesterday, a friend of J's called. This particular friend always needs something. Always. Which, like I said, wouldn't be a huge issue, if when I needed something HE could help with he was willing to do so. He's not. Ever. He's always too tired. Too busy. Too something. Last night he called to ask about a concert the company I work for is sponsoring. When was it? Who was coming? What time did it start?

I answered his questions and added tickets were $30, general admission. "Oh" he says "you can't just give me tickets?" "I figured you probably had VIP tickets or something that you could get for free".

Oh. OF COURSE. Silly me. Why ever would I think that he, of all people would call with out an agenda?

As I hung up the phone I got more and more irritated. Why do people, not all, but some, think that it's okay just to TAKE? Then it occurred to me. It's because people like me, people who say yes, of course when you call them at 3am on Tuesday and ask if they can come and pick them up on the side of the road, fifty miles away where they've broken down, ALLOW them to. It's because no one ever says to them, YOU ARE A BLACK HOLE OF NEED.

Well, I'm saying it now. People in my life, those of you that give me nothing, not happiness, not a shoulder to cry on, not even a forwarded email dirty joke, you are on notice. I am done. I am done allowing myself to be disappointed by you. I'm done giving you everything and having nothing left for myself. I'm done doing for you things that I wouldn't do for myself.

You can either shape up or ship out. I deserve more.

6 little kittens say Meow:

Lorrie Veasey said...

The world is composed of givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.

Erm....this isn't your way of saying I should comment more, is it? Because I know you always leave really funny comments on MY blog and that sometimes i slack in return. But since you've made me aware I am gonna comment ALL THE TIME. Seriously. Especially after you make me that card.

Lin said...

I heard that! I'm the biggest push-over & am way too nice. I say yes to just about everything & I get nothing in return.

Well...I'm following your lead. I'm done!


Kr√ęg said...

Better idea: Anytime one of those people ask for something (like free tickets or a 3am ride or all your alcohol), tell them "Sure, no problem."

Then don't deliver on what you've promised. Ever. After about the third time, they'll probably quit asking.

Nadine Hightower said...

Yes you do! A lot!! And I'm so glad I'm on your good side.

OHN said...

So, like, if he isn't using the tickets, can I have 'em?


Billie said...

The bigger problem is when it is your husband *sigh*

Can barely manage to do anything for me/with me but sure knows how to be nice when he wants something.