Friday, September 25, 2009

Last Vacation Post. Promise. Maybe.

After we returned to Miami from our cruise, BabyMama and I had about eight hours between disembarkment and when our flight left so we decided to take a tour of the South Beach Art Deco area.

There were about 30 people from three ships on the cruise and most people were, like us, just looking for somewhere to chill out for a few hours. One bitch though...OMG. Had I not still been on my vacation relaxation extravaganza high, I would have gone all kinds of stabbity on her.

From the minute we boarded the bus, she was on her cell phone. Loudly. In fact, the louder the guide talked to try and be heard over her, the louder she talked. At one point she even told her caller that "I cain't hear you, this dude be talkin' too loud". Are you fucking kidding me? The other 29 people on this damn bus just paid fifty fucking dollars to HEAR HIM TALK. That's like THE WHOLE POINT of a tour. To hear the tour guide talk. That's why they call him a GUIDE.

The tour included a two hour stop at SouthBeach so that you could eat, shop* or swim as you desired. As the guide explained to us that he'd be waiting at the corner of fifth where the TGI Fridays is, Miss Rudeness halts her conversation and demands of her companions, who'd presumably just spend several days being stuffed full of pretty much every imaginable kind of food, "Did he say Fridays? Girl, I don't care WHAT else we do, ima get me some chicken wangs!"

Who even knew that you could BUY deep fried and hot sauced chicken penises? No wonder no place else is Fridays! Castrating all those chickens takes SKILL.

*nearly all the stores were chain stores like Steve Madden, Gap, etc. BooooRRRrrring.

9 little kittens say Meow:

Lorrie Veasey said...

This chicca's sister was vacationing with me at Disney and sat behind me during LITTLE MERMAID VOYAGE OF THE SEA and spoke in Italian through the whole thing and when I turned around and told her with my eyes that she should shut the hell up, The Banana was all like DON"T EMBARASS ME MOTHER and so I had to simmer down but really, I wanted to punch her in the mouth during Part Of Your World.

Jane! said...

Oh, oh, I know HER!
She called me from Florida demanding to know why I was 'all callin' HER boyfriend' (Homer used my phone and misdialed). I was never so glad to be in You-tah because when she threatened to kick my ass, I believed her.

CK said...

ooh ooh! I know her cousin! At a movie in Astoria he answered the phone, had a conversation, and then when people were annoyed, complained into the phone about "yo, these people be shushing me!"

Nadine Hightower said...

Well you know all us bitches LoVES Our Wangs.

OHN said...

That woman....she lives EVERYWHERE.

rpc said...

I have definitely been missing out on these chicken wangs. I can't wait to try this new delicacy.

Baylee and Blair's page said...

OMG... I can't believe you took a vaca WITHOUT ME???? WTF is wrong with you? Seriously... those pics are freaking amazing! I hope to make it there one day SOON. I think I deserve a vaca.THERE.WITH.MYSELF!

Hugs - Tiff

Chibi Jeebs said...

*is never eating "wings" at TGIFriday's*

Bj in Dallas said...

Obviously, you've never been to the grocery store in Dallas. Because someone is ALWAYS talking on the phone, loudly, and usually the intelligence of their conversation matches their outfit.

What is wrong with these people?

glad you didn't get stabby, I would assume the Miami Jail is not a desirable location.