Friday, November 13, 2009

Derailed

Earlier this week, when I was getting coffee at that exclusive little shop that I love *coughQTcough*, a man turns to me and says "you smell fantastic". It completely made my day. There is nothing quite like a genuine and unexpected compliment, is there?

Then, I had a super shitariffic week.

BUT THEN.

As you are all well aware, I have a tiny little addiction to my Blackberry. The first thing I do in the morning is turn it on and check my messages. Unlike Saint Dolly, who claims the first thing she does in the morning is get dressed and go home. (I want to BE Dolly Parton. Seriously. I love her. Probably more than I love that wicked temptress Oprah.) Where was I? Oh, yes, my Blackberry. The first few messages kind of set the tone for my day. For example today, Ash told me that I was an evil whore for telling him that Emily Deschanel is a vegan and then mentioning scary porcelain headed clown dolls come to life and kill people at night. This is why I love my friends. Especially the imaginary ones that live in my computer. Because who else would call you an evil whore but mean it with LOVE? Oh. Right. My sisters.

And then there was this comment left on a post I wrote back in April;

Anonymous said...
I found this site using Google And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!Sorry for offtopic


Thank you Anonymous, you totally made my day.

So here's what I think we should do today, I think that we should all make a conscious effort to give someone, a stranger maybe, a sincere compliment. I think we should all remember the courtesy wave. I think we should all remember that Nice Matters.

There you go.

I'm done being all preachy.

Now I want to know WHY THE FUCK I am the only person in my household that can fill the dogs water dish? SERIOUSLY. It's not that fucking hard. You put the bowl in the sink and fill it up. It's not like you have to milk a penguin or anything. It's water.

Also, my dogs are assholes. The puppy, who at two and a half probably isn't a puppy anymore but WHATEVER, has terrible dry skin, and our vet recommended that I put a tablespoon of olive oil on his food to try to alleviate it. It works, I don't know why. Now? Not one of those little fuckers will so much as touch their retardedly expensive dog food until I drizzle it with olive oil. What a bunch of fucking princesses. For the record? Rottweilers and Pit Bulls are a bunch of babies.

Don't you think that Facebook should have an "I hate you" button? or maybe a "stop bragging you bastard" button? And why do people do things like post a message to dead person? I've seen "Rest in Peace, Uncle Bob, you will be missed" or something similar more than once. Do you seriously think that Uncle Bob is sitting in Heaven checking his Facebook alerts? Basically, what you're saying is LOOK AT ME! SOMEONE I KNOW IS DEAD! I'M FUCKING SPECIAL! No, you're not. You're just as bad as the people that post updates that say things like "Betsy wonders why you did that?" Why who did what, you bitch? FUCKING SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. If you mean that Larry stole your boyfriend say "Betsy wonders why Larry is a such a back stabbing man stealing anus eater?". By leaving open ended, vague updates, you're CLEARLY just begging for people to comment and ask you why so that you can tell your victim story. I hate you.

Lastly, as I lay awake at 3:30 in the morning, it occurred to me that if you say the name "John" enough times in a row it stops sounding like a word and sounds like some kind of made up alien language. So do "prom" and "referee". Try it. Say each one like ten times in a row. Not even words anymore, right?

Wow. This post has just gone totally around the bend. Just like me. HIGH FIVE!

Xanax wishes and Buttercream dreams for a happy weekend, my kittens.

7 little kittens say Meow:

mepsipax said...

Wow you are angry like I am this week.

Queen of the Universe said...

What perfume were you wearing? I wear some ridiculously expensive shit every single cotton pickin' day and NO ONE ever tells me that I smell nice. So apparently I need a new scent. Please share.
Thanks.

Martie said...

I can always count on you--even when your day is shitier than mine (not tooooo often, but still) to make me smile. I love your sense of humor. Love. Love. Love.

Chibi Jeebs said...

I love you even more after reading this. Seriously. <3

Oh, PS? TOTALLY stealing "It's not like you have to milk a penguin or anything." *roflsnort*

I am Trish Marie said...

Compliment of the day: More than once I have snorted coffee out of my nose due to you.

Yep. That is a compliment.

At my house, I am the only person who knows how to open the dishwasher. I don't understand this. There is no secret password. No happy dance. You just pull the fucking door, and it opens. Yet, obviously, I am the only one who gets it judging by the number of cups sitting on the countertop. But at least the hubs feeds and waters the dogs.

Jess said...

I've noticed a LOT of words sound like they make no sense when you actually stop to think about them lol... Every now and then I'll sit there and have a word repeat in my head and it's like "WTF does that even MEAN? Am I using the right word? What the hell?!?!?!"

Ash said...

I confess I do not read your blog often (enough) so had not seen this post.

In my own defense, you ARE an evil whore for telling me that Emily Deschanel is vegan. You have shattered my dreams of the perfect life we could have lived together wherein she solved TV crime and I raised our beautiful children in a life of luxury (I say "beautiful" only because they would of course look like her).

And I DID compliment an almost stranger today. Yes, it was via Twitter, but I told someone that I had just met for the first time that I thought she was awesome. So there. :P

~A.