Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mmmm Sin

Let's hop into the way back machine as we delve into yet another reason why I am going to hell.

Back in the day, my parents used to take my sisters and I to church every Sunday, where we would wear our fancy dresses and sing pious songs about how we are sunbeams and things of that like. Every Sunday, they taught us a wee little lesson so that we could grow up to be good little boys and girls.

One Sunday when I was about, oh, perhaps seven, the lesson was on "sin". The Sunday School teacher, who was young and pretty and probably the mother of about 19 children had brought in a naked hard plastic baby doll and a can of chocolate fudge frosting. The lesson was that each child would tell a sin that they had committed (I tattled! I stole gum! I feel asleep in school!) and then with their finger dab a bit of frosting on the wee baby to symbolize the black mark on their soul. One by one the wee little darlings confessed to sins of great magnitude (I ate my sisters candy! I hid my brothers GI Joe!) until the sticky baby and it's bucket of sin came to the last row, my row. I confessed to who-knows-what, probably being bossy or maybe talking in class, and then I set the vat of chocolate evil beneath my seat and took the evil-incarnate baby to the teacher were it was "baptized" and all of it's sins washed away.

Then I convinced my fellow back row degenerates that we should eat all that tasty chocolate sin. Which we did. When it was gone, I hid the frosting can in the parka hood of the kid in the row in front of us and acted like nothing had happened. Because it's only a black mark on your immortal soul if you get caught, tattle or confess. And I never will! Oh, wait. Shit.
(pretty accurate respresentation of my sin level)

9 little kittens say Meow:

Jane! said...

Pass me that can of sin!

tjames said...

Well if you repent and get to "wash away" the sin then WHY NOT?

Nadine Hightower said...

Your church sounds like fun. I was so small I was stuck in the nursery for 8 years!!!

Bobby's Dream said...

You are trying to taunt me aren't you. You are bad bad bad.

KAErk said...

that whole scene seems mildly creepy to me. bunch of kids smeering chocolate on a naked baby doll....sounds like therapy session fodder.

Lorrie Veasey said...

I have been craving sin all week.

But sin makes my ass fat.

If we had been childhood friends Thystle, I would have been the gal next to you in the pony tails whispering about how the baby had pooped herself, until the teacher told you to shhhh.

Chelle said...

What I've learned: Brown skinned babies are sinfully delicious.

Blonde Goddess said...

My tub would be full of vodka and Mr.Man would join me!

C said...

Wow- your classes were way more fun and tasty than mine. We just got endless talks about boring bible stories.

Sample Q&A: "Who can tell me about the sermon on the mount?"
me: "it was on a mount?"

They were always less amused than you might think.