Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I am the April Fool

This morning, when I woke up, I thought to myself, "Damn, that was some beautiful sleep". Seriously. It was epic how well I slept.

Which probably should have been my first indication that my day was about to go completely sideways.

Next thing I know, I hear my husband hollering from the front door for me to come and get the dogs. Because he found another dog. And he wants me to bring her in the house. Of course, this dog that he found wasn't something wee and cute like a chihuahua, oh, NO of course not. She's HUGE and cute. A little baby girl rottweiler. Of course my boys went completely crazy with the joy of a DOG! ANOTHER DOG! As though they'd never seen anything so wonderful. So here I am, in my nightgown, trying to control about 250lbs of dog while my husband coaxes said little girl into the house so that once he gets in he could announce that So Sorry! Time to go to Work! and leaves me to manage 4 dogs, including one who is pretty sure she's entered one of the lower levels of hell.

I use treats to con the boys into the bedroom and then lead the little girl out to the back yard. I shut the door and go to take my shower and when I go back to check on the little dear, I find that she's eaten the arm off the back yard couch. Now, lest you think I'm even MORE of a redneck than implied by posting pictures of my ass on the Internet, I'll tell you that I have a covered patio with a fan, hammock, table, etc. It's like an outdoor living room. Well, WAS. Now, it's more like an outdoor furniture explosion site.

Which pretty much sealed my opinion that the little treasure needs to go back to her OWN home and with a quickness.

But, these things happen, so I just went about getting ready only to discover dozens and dozens of red dots all around my eyes. Like burst blood vessels. And also, a charming start of a black eye. What the hell, man?

I persevere though, with lots of purple eye shadow and go out to the car. To discover that the garbage man, who was a full 24hrs late, used the bin as a battering ram and broke huge branch off my tree. And left trash ALL over the street.

I clean them up, stick the key in the rolling down rear window so that I can load up some stuff that Baby Mama needed to borrow and of COURSE the motor begins to groan and then STOPS.

Oh, but I know the tricks that wicked Juice plays and so I bang it in the right spot and BREAK A DAMN NAIL.

The window does open, I load up the crap I need and go to work, where the alarm is blaring because a sensor has disengaged. Can ADT come today to fix it? No, of course not.

In fact, were it not for this little punkin spending the day with me today, I would go home and go back to bed, but how grumpy can you be when faced with a sleeping baby?


Now, if someone would call about that wretched...I mean precious dog, I'd call the day a total win. Facial disfigurement and all.

4 little kittens say Meow:

Lorrie Veasey said...

Don't leave that dog alone with that baby, Thystle. Just sayin. I've heard a rotweiller's favorite snack is baby with a side of Desitin.

I guess your husband bringing home another dog is better than him going out and looking for other pussy. cats. that is.

AND FOR THE RECORD-
I think you should make your ass April's avitar.

Miss Thystle said...

My male rottie LOVES babies. Cause they giggle when you kiss them and they always have food. But as it is, baby is here at the office and dog is locked in the back yard at the house.

Nadine Hightower said...

Well it can only go up from here!

blairspage said...

Oh my! I hope your day got better!

Hugs - Tiff