Thursday, October 15, 2009

There is no try

My husband thinks I'm having a mid-life crisis.

I know, right?

His "evidence" for his argument is that I have 1) Gone to the bar ONCE with some girlfriends who are younger than I am 2) BabyMama and I went on a cruise and didn't bring the kids and 3) I got my nose pierced after talking about it for more than a year.

Personally, I don't think that adds up to any kind of crisis. Although, I suppose if I was having a crisis, mid-life or otherwise, I probably wouldn't think that I was.

But really, it's not like I've gone out and bought a $70,000 sports car, or changed how I'm dressing. I have completely replaced my wardrobe, but it was out of necessity and it's pretty much the exact same things I had before just smaller. I work in a very casual office. Usually, I'm the most nicely dressed simply because my clothes aren't covered in either paint or grease. I wear jeans and a tee-shirt almost every day. The days I'm not wearing that? I'm wearing a skirt and a tee-shirt! That's CLEAR proof that I'm trying to "look younger" right?

As for the trip to the bar it was ONE TIME. ONCE. And it's not like we were even at the kind of club that you have to line up to get in to! It was a crap dive bar where they have $3 pints of Full Moon. OOoooH big pimping, right? AND I was home by midnight even though we didn't get there until close to 10.

And my nose? I had it done the first time when I was in college. Then I went to work in a bank where facial piercings were unacceptable so I took it out. Every few years I'd talk about it. Much like the out loud musing we all do about our hair..."maybe I should dye it"...."no, I'm going to cut bangs"....."I could pull off the Posh Spice, don't you think".....Not really serious talk, but not exactly idle either. About a year ago I started mentioning it about once a month. I asked my husband if he would mind and his exact words were "If you want to look like an old dyke, that's your business".

So I did it.

We jokingly took bets about how long it would take him to notice. Six months was the median. It took him two days and when he did notice it he was pissed. "What'd you do that for?" he demanded "because I wanted to. I told you I was going to!" I countered and I suppose it was my failure to be petulant that caused him to remark "wow. You're really having a bad mid-life crisis, aren't you?"

No. I'm not.

What I am having is a bit of a liberation. I'm 33. I've lived almost all of my life trying to fit into the mold that others have set out for me. Their definition of a good student. Their opinion of what makes a good mother or a good wife or a good....whatever. But you know what? It's my turn to say what makes me a good ME.

And I? Think that it's time to have some fun. It's time to stop waiting for my husband, who hates to travel, to finally be needled into going somewhere with me. If I want to go, I'm going. It's time to stop sitting at home wishing that I wasn't missing what the girls were doing just because I think other people would think I look silly because I'm five years older than they are and have a kid practically old enough to club herself. I'm all done caring if a nose stud makes me look like I'm trying too hard.

Because I'm not trying any more. I am doing.

11 little kittens say Meow:

Lin said...

Good for you!

Wear the shit out of that nose ring & skirt! Piercings aren't my thing so kudos to you for getting it done (again) :)

Kr√ęg said...

I know, right? I told like six or seven people I was planning on getting "Suck My D!ck" tattooed on my forehead, and they all looked at me like I was crazy. But I showed them! Stupid pastor can't tell me what to do!

Nadine Hightower said...

I agree. Fly your Freak Flag High.
Be good with you....he either gets with the program and has fun or sits on the couch and pouts.

A Mid crisis got me the love of my life....His Mid Life Crisis.

Lisa said...

I could have written this! (or the point of it). I am 24 years old. Yes I ahve 2 kids but it doesnt mean that I am "old" and I need to start behaving my age a bit. If I listen to new music or wear stylish clothes I feel like everyone is looking at me funny. My friends are older than I am but they at least can do what they want (and they want style and music and dancing). So why cant I? I am making changes to feel younger. Maybe Ill get my nose pierced too!

ZDub said...

Good for you, momma.

Fuck the haters. Do what you gotta do. I wish you lived by me, that way we could have our breakdowns collectively.

We'd have fun, trust.

CK said...

Damn! I totally should have taken the under on that bet! I think I said 2 1/2 years so I totally fail.

Anyway, eff 'em if they can't take a joke and I think you should head out to NYC with or without M and have a weekend. N and L are talking about St. Patty's Day. Drunk men in kilts, what could be more fun?

OHN said...

Dear...at 33 you are hardly at crisis age.

It is obvious he is threatened by your new found you. It is good for couples to be couples but you can't lose your individuality either.

Husband needs to find an outlet doing something he really enjoys (as long as it doesn't involve hookers) and understand that you aren't thumbing your nose at HIM, you are becoming a more fulfilled YOU. (which will make you happier...thus he will be happier)

Bj in Dallas said...

get a fake tatoo like Mike Tyson.
That will show him.

hurray on the smaller clothes, get rid of the old ones!

Sheila said...

you just go on being the best you that you are.

now, just keep that nose ring clean, will ya?!

Anonymous said...

I'm just going to spit it out, you need to kick his lame ass to the curb and do as you please, without getting harangued for it, for once in your life.

Look at me. Despite my recent setbacks I can truly say life is better on the other side. :D

fattie20xl said...

jeeeese... you're 4 years older than me and i've been going through a midlife crisis for the past 6 years.

hahaha and if you told me you were 25 i'd've believed you!