Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Fame, Fortune and Porn

After making an astounding $0.10 through advertising on my blog, I’m positively drunk with the thought that I have made actual, real, legal tender with my sparkling wit and hilarious anecdotes.

This means that I’m only about $49,999.90 cents away from making a reasonable living at blogging. So while I’m embracing my dimes worth of love, Kiki can’t live on $0.0003 per day. This leaves me only two options; I need to either produce better quality work or I need more advertisers.

I think we ALL know which of those are more likely to happen.

That’s how I wound up on Amazon.com, which pays you in either Amazon gift certificates or real money. But first you have to set up your Amazon.com associates profile. It’s not too difficult, you just fill in the bits and pieces with your information and I’m going along fine, because I’m a trained professional, people, I can spell my name with out even LOOKING at my driver license.

Just before they cough up the html coding for my side bar ads, they asked me possibly the hardest question I’ve ever encountered.

“Describe your web site in 200 characters”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

First off, having to describe this MASTERPIECE of literary genius is hard enough, but what kind of ads do you think;

Foul mouthed, semi-alcoholic neglectful mom who’d rather shop than cook and is allergic to cleaning so thusly enslaves her teenager for the purpose of generating bloggable events for her poorly punctuated website.

Would generate for me? I bet whatever it is, it would be porn though. Possibly midget porn. Which *would* be kind of awesome. But if, GOD FORBID they posted ads for books like “The Queen of Clean” I would NEVER, EVER forgive myself.

Which is why instead I put; I use the F word to blog about stuff.

Hopefully I get porn ads anyway.

3 little kittens say Meow:

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Amazon always sends me ads for weight loss. It thinks I'm fat obviously. Amazon is kind of an asshole. I'd much prefer porn ads.

Nadine Hightower said...

Huh!! I bought my vibrat...aahh...back massager from them...oh the possiblities!!

Lorrie Veasey said...

Peta seems to be advertising heavily on blogs as of late- perhaps you could kill two birds with one stone and get an ad about The Lonely Goatherd?

Lady o o Lady OH de looooo