Love Letter

Dear Husband,

This morning, when your alarm went off and you snoozed it three times, I didn't say anything.

When I got up a half out later, I tripped over the boot you left in the middle of the floor. Then, I collected your discarded towel from the chair and carried it to the bathroom where I picked up your dirty drawers off the floor and put them in the hamper that is less than two feet away. Then I hung up the towel that you'd left in the sink, put the lid on your deodorant, picked up and threw away the q-tip that missed the trash can and replaced the toilet paper roll.

When I sat down to pee, I discovered the turd you left floating. It was a nice one, but there's no need to save it for me, promise. Then, I let the dogs out since they were doing a potty dance because you'd forgotten to put them out before you left and on my way to the back door I collected the cup, spoon and pudding containers that you'd left in the living room and carried them to the kitchen where I shut the cupboard you'd left open and threw away the empty milk jug you left on the counter.

I went to take a shower, but first I had to replace the soap. Sorry I didn't shave my legs, it just didn't seem worth getting out of the shower to get the shaving cream off the counter since the one in the shower was empty. You'll find the new can in the shower tomorrow, I put it in there when I got out. Then, I dried myself with a damp towel, because you'd used all the towels in the bathroom and got myself ready for work.

I dealt with our surly teenager, but managed to get her out the door with out screaming at her. I drove her to school and then went on to work where I attempted to placate angry creditors, disgruntled customers and nervous employees. I got yelled at by Scary Corporate Lady at least three times for things that had nothing to do with me, but since I answer the phone, the buck stops at my desk. No big deal, it IS why they pay me.

On the way home I paid the water bill, stopped at the bank and then went to the grocery store. Then I picked up our daughter, went to the gym for an hour and dropped by some books to a house bound friend before going to the gas station and then Hallmark at the mall to pick up a sympathy card for your grandmother, which I signed your name too and then dropped at the mail box.

So when I walk in the door tonight, if once again the first words out of your mouth are "Damn, you look like shit", I'm pretty sure the judge will understand why the cops couldn't find your head.

All my love,
Your Wife.