Thursday, December 4, 2008

Back-ordered Baby

So here we are on Thursday, about 36 hours AFTER when Baby should have made her appearance and have we seen said baby? Not hide nor hair. And why? You may ask. (Let's assume that you DID ask, because otherwise I will have to come up with a new blog topic.)

Because there were 19 babies swimming down stream yesterday. 19 of them. And the day before that there were 17! Do you know what that means? It means people in this neighborhood can't keep their damn pants on, that's what it means.

What it also means is that today's post, which was meant to feature adorable newborn squishiness is RUINED. Thanks a lot, humping neighbors. Do I ask you not to park 3 cars on your lawn? No. Do I ask you not to play polka music at top volume at 3 am? NO. Do I even ask you to take down your Christmas lights by September? Of course not. The ONE little thing I needed, a blog topic that doesn't involve my boobs in anyway and you fuck that up for me.

Thanks a lot. Just for that, I'm going to have to post a picture of my boobs on the internet again.


See what you've made me do?

Can one of you helpful invisible internet type people explain to me why it is so damn hard to find a good tee shirt? one that doesn't make me look boxy, lumpy or vulgar? Seriously. I thought I'd found it at Old Navy this weekend in their "perfect fit" tee shirt and since it was only $5 I bought several of them. So then, I check myself in the mirror the other morning and I think, "HEY! This IS a perfect tee shirt! I LOVES IT!" and go to work. But first, I stop at QT for my vat of ice tea because hello, Mama needs her caffeine, and the construction workers were all very solicitous and that was nice and even the ones that weren't directly at eye level with my boobs smiled at my in an only mildly leering fashion and so I go on about my merry way, all day, wandering around in this tee shirt and then, at like 5 pm, I catch a glance at myself in fluorescent lighting and HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL that shirt? It's not opaque. You can see the Twins right through it. And I'm all NO WONDER that guy stuck $5 in my pants!

So I went and bought another tee shirt. What can I say? Work what the good Lord gave you...

PS. Don't forget to go enter the contest!

21 little kittens say Meow:

zakary said...

The people in the neighborhood are whores. Seriously.

Secondly, you have a nice rack. I'm really jealous.

Lorrie Veasey said...

I spy with my little eye...

A purple bra? Or could it be: aubergine?

Thank goodness you don't have this obsession with your butt. That's all I gotta say.

Miss Thystle said...

are you insulting my butt, Missy? Because I will *so* post pictures of it tomorrow.

Miss Thystle said...

and it was a violet bra. So there. And it matched my panties. Just in case of an accident. Don't want to scare away the cute doctors. I need a sugar daddy!

sheila said...

Wow, that shirt really accentuates what God gave you! You work the $5 t really well.

I thought my girls were big, but sista -- you take the cake!!

sheila said...

BTW - tell that baby to hurry the hell up. I love newborn squishiness...

Miss Thystle said...

OOH, me too! I just can not wait to hug her and squeeze her. And buy her shoes. Lots of adorable, teensy, weensy shoes.

Lorrie Veasey said...

This may be why when Sexyhusbandomine tried to log onto your blog via the interweb connection at the Manhattan courthouse where he was doing his civic duty and volunteering for jury duty...(pause for breath)...the courthouse internet connection flagged your blog AS PORN.

For reals.

THose poor people at government jobs that can't get them a good look at Thystles rack...sadness.

Miss Thystle said...

SHUT.UP. That is awesome! I'm going to go buy one of those "porn star" tee shirts from the Hustler store now.

sheila said...

oh, i will email you the cutest baby shoes...you must buy them!

sheila said...

and i'm a little bit jealous that you're considered PORN...

Jane! said...

Okay, I own that very same t-shirt... who knew it could do THAT!

Jane! said...

Wait. Is there a daily limit on the number of babies that can be born in your neighborhood? If there is, you just bring her up to You-tah. I think we have unlimited quotas.

Miss Thystle said...

Good news! She just called and has is on her way to the hospital as I type! Watch my twitter feed for updates!

Chandra said...

Okay, my husband and I were reading your blog and his exact word was..."D-A-M-N", enough said.

Too funny!

Bj in Dallas said...

Jesus....

Lorrie Veasey said...

When all BJ has to say is" Jesus" you know your work here is done.

kwr221 said...

I can't see through your t-shirt! What's wrong with my monitor? I can't see violet, purple or aurbergine. (nice word, Lorrie)

and lmao at SHOY's porn message.

kwr221 said...

Frappin' hell! My other comment got stuck in blogger.com/comment-do whateverthehell that is. I said your bodacious ta-ta's looked larger than normal. Not that I'm staring or anythign.

kwr221 said...

And I predict this baby coming in the weehours of Sat morn - at a very sleep-deprived, inconvenient hour.

Racie Lover said...

I agree the Twins look larger than normal. You should maybe get rid of the fisheye lens on your camera.