Like Schnitzel with Noodles, only BETTER.

Hiya Chickens!


Guess what I'm doing today! You'll never guess. GUESS! Why aren't you guessing? Don't you like guessing games with random answers? No? Okay, fine, I'll tell you. I'm sitting around waiting for my friend to extrude her womb fruit! Doesn't that sound fun? I mean really, what's NOT fun about watching something the size of a grape fruit try and shove itself out of a hole the size of a lemon? nothing that's what. Unless, I suppose it's your own personal hoo-ha that's being torn asunder by a little bald headed parasite. However, in this case, it's not my hoo-ha, I just get to take the day off work. So, you know, win for me!

So I thought, in honor of the expulsion of wee Gianna from her uterine playground, we'd play a little game! Doesn't that sound like fun? I know! Now, I know y'all are used to getting alcoholic prizes from me, but I thought we'd mix it up. Call it my own little Oprah's favorite things. Only, you know, Oprah is still caged up in my basement and I can't afford to hand out a car, so it's Thystle's Favorite Things. Almost as good, but much less classy. Like me!

And there's only two things being given away. Because I'm cheap like that. But that does mean that there will be two winners ! Hooray for winning shit!

Prize number one is a flowered hair clip. These things are starting to pop up all over and I predict they're going to be big this year.





Prize number two is an adjustable cocktail ring. Those of you that have been around the Thystle Patch for a while may recall that last year at this time, I vowed to bring cocktail rings back into fashion. So I used my powers for world domination instead of mayhem for a bit and bada BLING they're everywhere this season! Score yours!

Now for the part where I see just what y'all are willing to do to get a prize! Email a naked picture of yourself, posing with a garden gnome, a bottle of red wine and a....JUST KIDDING. Gosh, relax. There are somethings I just don't need to know about you. Like that you have three nipples or your middle name is Herman. Things like that. Also, I don't need to know that once, in third grade, you puked in the parka hood of at that little boy that was mean to you all the time. Actually, I take that back, I totally want to know stuff like that about you. In fact, that will be next weeks Favorite Thing contest question! Remind me next week, okay?

Now I've lost the plot entirely....oh yes! For this week's contest, in the comment section leave your prediction for what next years MUST HAVE item is going to be. It can be anything. On Friday, I'll draw two names at random from the submissions and announce the winner.

Not to leave the male readers out (either one of you), should a man be selected (or I suppose should the selected winner prefer) then something manly will be substituted. What this manly thing might be will just have to be a surprise, but it will probably come from Home Depot or Best Buy or some other place that manly men shop. I'll have to ask a manly man where that might be should the occasion present itself, because I'm not a very manly girl. Except for the gun. And the truck. And, you know, my vast collection of porn.