Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Like Schnitzel with Noodles, only BETTER.

Hiya Chickens!


Guess what I'm doing today! You'll never guess. GUESS! Why aren't you guessing? Don't you like guessing games with random answers? No? Okay, fine, I'll tell you. I'm sitting around waiting for my friend to extrude her womb fruit! Doesn't that sound fun? I mean really, what's NOT fun about watching something the size of a grape fruit try and shove itself out of a hole the size of a lemon? nothing that's what. Unless, I suppose it's your own personal hoo-ha that's being torn asunder by a little bald headed parasite. However, in this case, it's not my hoo-ha, I just get to take the day off work. So, you know, win for me!

So I thought, in honor of the expulsion of wee Gianna from her uterine playground, we'd play a little game! Doesn't that sound like fun? I know! Now, I know y'all are used to getting alcoholic prizes from me, but I thought we'd mix it up. Call it my own little Oprah's favorite things. Only, you know, Oprah is still caged up in my basement and I can't afford to hand out a car, so it's Thystle's Favorite Things. Almost as good, but much less classy. Like me!

And there's only two things being given away. Because I'm cheap like that. But that does mean that there will be two winners ! Hooray for winning shit!

Prize number one is a flowered hair clip. These things are starting to pop up all over and I predict they're going to be big this year.





Prize number two is an adjustable cocktail ring. Those of you that have been around the Thystle Patch for a while may recall that last year at this time, I vowed to bring cocktail rings back into fashion. So I used my powers for world domination instead of mayhem for a bit and bada BLING they're everywhere this season! Score yours!






Now for the part where I see just what y'all are willing to do to get a prize! Email a naked picture of yourself, posing with a garden gnome, a bottle of red wine and a....JUST KIDDING. Gosh, relax. There are somethings I just don't need to know about you. Like that you have three nipples or your middle name is Herman. Things like that. Also, I don't need to know that once, in third grade, you puked in the parka hood of at that little boy that was mean to you all the time. Actually, I take that back, I totally want to know stuff like that about you. In fact, that will be next weeks Favorite Thing contest question! Remind me next week, okay?

Now I've lost the plot entirely....oh yes! For this week's contest, in the comment section leave your prediction for what next years MUST HAVE item is going to be. It can be anything. On Friday, I'll draw two names at random from the submissions and announce the winner.

Not to leave the male readers out (either one of you), should a man be selected (or I suppose should the selected winner prefer) then something manly will be substituted. What this manly thing might be will just have to be a surprise, but it will probably come from Home Depot or Best Buy or some other place that manly men shop. I'll have to ask a manly man where that might be should the occasion present itself, because I'm not a very manly girl. Except for the gun. And the truck. And, you know, my vast collection of porn.

33 little kittens say Meow:

Racie Lover said...

You don't technically have to put me in the drawing since I won last time (for 'frappin') and am still savoring my "Pucker's". Having said that, I would like to suggest next year's Must Have Item:

Miniature Male and Female Pistachio trees. How fun and romantic to watch them mate, give birth to tiny pistachio offspring and then spend the next 18 years raising them so they can talk back to you, steal your Valium and have you declared mentally incompetent in order to inherit your vast fortune without you actually having to be dead.

Brilliant, I know.

Kr√ęg said...

Next year's MUST HAVE item: oxygen

Nadine Hightower said...

Good thing you threw out that idea about nekked pix...I was wonderin' which one to send. There are so many.

Seriously, we have a "Burn after I'm dead" clause in our pre-nupt.

But must have next year....a cruise to do naughty things on a Mexican Beach.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Next Year's MUST HAVE item: A Job.
So sayeth the economic doomsayers.

Miss Thystle said...

Jobs, bah. I'm looking for a sugar daddy!

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

I commeth from the our name is mud blog. I don't ever win things in contest but I participate a lot. For shits and giggles. Not. I do it in hopes of one day winning something. So by doing this I'm entering yours and Lorrie's contest. Two birds with one stone. Aw yeah!

I am glad I found your blog though. On a scale of 1 to 10 its a 3. Just kidding. TEN all the way. You made me giggle.

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

Dernit, I forgot to say that next years must have item will be... Doggie Community College.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm here from Lorrie's place - and will bookmark you to my favorites! Please don't double dog dare me to pose nude with a garden gnome or anything else for that matter. I might well take you up on it (I'm a shameless hussy).

Next year's must have item: the invisible toaster. Hidden under or in a cabinet, so your counters don't have one more item cluttering the kitchen up!

Heidi said...

Coming from Our name is Mud, and having just read another blog in this scavenger hunt type contest, I'm going to say next years can't live without item....

Scarves made from dog fur! The part that makes it so darn fluffy and loveable, it comes from your own dog. isn't that precious!

Bj in Dallas said...

LOOK!! HEIDI TOTALLY GOT MY BLOG!
I heart her already, although someone said that the neighborhood dogs might hump your leg while you are wearing your sweater. And it might smell like the one you had on at work one day.. Didn't you throw it away? Some Grandmother probably made that out of her precious little
SHITSUE (WTF) named Fluffy.
Then theres the occasional klingon what if that got spun into the design and cost extra.

I say we all will need to have a spinning wheel. To make our own dog hair clothes. I will even make you a brindle colored tank top to show off the girls to the Irish midget men that buy you beer.

Anonymous said...

i'm loving that cocktail ring, and i have noticed an increasing flower in the hair sitings...

great giveway..and nice that i found u thru the mud giveaway.

lynda in calif

Anonymous said...

WHOO! Maybe it'll be a new fashionable bag??

Crystal(manhattandolls[at]gmail.com)

mel*~reachforthestars~* said...

OH NO! I dunno! Im thinking it'll be obama's new dog at the white house!

Cheers,
melody
mel_88_88@hotmail.com

H.S. said...

Maybe it'll be a cup of coffee! helps me stay awake so maybe it'll be "in" next year!

H.S.
tan.huishan@gmail.com

Mel said...

HMMM. Hard question! How about red roses? That makes me happy all the time!

dancerinthemaking@gmail.com

zakary said...

Next Year's Must Have Item: A Robot

I'm just saying.

OHN said...

Next years must have is a PRIZE from the fab and fun Thystle. Life simply cannot go on stuck in the losers column.(are you watching Lorrie??)Does it count that I found Thystle even BEFORE the link??

rpc said...

Duct tape. It is like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

kwr221 said...

Hey! Why aren't *you following me, sweetie?

Next year's hot thing? Schnitzel, of course. ;-)

Jennifer said...

Next year's must have item: I'm going with funny blogs on this one. We've all got to have something to turn to and laugh at, right? Right.

sheila said...

I think next year's Must Have Item: a copy of an as-yet-to-be-completed novel. It's one that will blow the socks off of the literary establishment, and quickly become a raging bestseller.

BTW, I have the perfect ensemble for both the flower & the ring. And I never win anything...

Bj in Dallas said...

changed my mind

A Liberator....

tjames said...

hybrid cars

PearlsOfSomething said...

Tin foil hats. And sunglasses to reduce the glare from all of the tin foil hats.

Lorrie Veasey said...

My Mother In Law's blogger account is not working, but she emailed me and asked that I enter her in your contest.

She said she likes you, BUT I'M STILL HER FAVORITE.

Which is as it should be because, um, you know we're family, and if she actually did come to like you better I might not do as well at Christmas, and I have my eye on a cashmere twin set; which is next year's must have, btw.

Miss Thystle said...

HI Lorrie's MIL! I know you like me better, but I won't tell Lorrie. It'll be our little secret.

Jane! said...

Jeez! Kinda crowded over here! I just wanted to thank you for the box of alcoholic goodness that was sitting on my desk when I got back from my hell-trip. It was all I could do to keep the bottles sealed until after work.

Melaina25 said...

Peep toe gladiator boots

blairspage said...

Okay, so I've given this some thought... I think next year's big item should be the KY Yours and Mine lube! :) It's one gift for two people. You kill 2 birds with one stone!

Hugs - Tiffany

Miss Thystle said...

OMG. Tiffany. Of all the people to leave that comment, YOU are the very dead last I would have expected!

jr said...

Next year's must have item - another stimulus check!

janrinn@comcast.net

blairspage said...

I can't help it... I can't say shit like that on my own blog page! :) I have too many family members and church people reading it! :) You only "thought" I was goodie goodie huh? Gotcha! You would just have to meet me in person!

Love ya bitch!
Tiff

Sheree said...

Will I win if I send a photo of me posing in my underware? Cause I can do this.

This year's must have: A wife for my brother.