Monday, December 1, 2008

Wearing Vampire Fangs

Right, so this weekend.

Mostly, I took a nap. Like, for the whole weekend. To the point that on Friday, I didn't even put on pants until like 5pm. For real. That's like, some kind of record or something. If it's not, it should be.

Now, WHY did I take a nap for the weekend?

Because I'm depressed, chickens. For reals, even. Not like OMG I'M SO GOING TO KILL MYSELF WHILE I LISTEN TO COLDPLAY AND STARE AT MY EDWARD CULLEN POSTER depressed, but like, bummed. Out of sorts, one might say. And by "one" I mean my Gram, because that's the kind of thing she says. She also says "Lord Love a Duck" which has nothing to do with anything it's just cute, so I thought I'd tell you. But back to me? I'm depressed in the way that means you stand staring at your closet, and then walk away still wearing your pajama's because the prospect of a shirt? JUST TOO DAUNTING. Lucky for me, I work at a job wear no one would bat an eye if I came in wearing a bunny costume, vampire fangs and roller skates. Which, lets be honest, would really be kind of awesome. Like Bunnicula goes to Xanadu. True story, I used to know a girl named "Xanadu". She was a slut. I don't know if that's related to being named after a rollerskating musical, but it could be. Best that those of you expecting to spawn soon keep it in mind, just in case.

Anyway, there's some crapola potentially, maybe, possibly about to be, going down in my world. Nothing major, just, you know, craptastic. Also, it's nothing I can really talk about here, on the interwebs. But if I COULD talk about it, I'd say that if you happen to have advanced knowledge of this weeks winning Powerball numbers I'd totally cut you in because otherwise I might need to borrow some of your old clothes to hang out in soup lines and at freeway on ramps and places.

I'll be fine, I promise, but just for today, I'm going to sulk a bit.

And take a nap.

10 little kittens say Meow:

Lorrie Veasey said...

Chin up, sweet babycakes! Just follow my recipe for Instant Happiness and you will be Right as Rain in no time t'all:

1. Drink a tall glass of chocolate milk. The kind you make with Hershey syrup.

2. Take a Mr. Bubble Bath--watermelon scented is best.

3. Go pet the kittens at your local PetCo. I would say play with the hamsters, but last time I did that one peed on me, and it was a really big bummer.

4. Google: actresses who have had really bad plastic surgery and now look like total crap. Start with Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing.

5. Rent HAROLD & MAUDE. Download soundtrack for your ipod. *sigh* I heart Cat Stevens. Why did he have to go all "kill Solomon Rushdie" on my ass?

6. Have another glass of chocolate milk. If you have one of those crazy loop de loop straws, I say Go For It.

7. Look in the mirror and say " Lorrie is beautiful, talented, and totally kick ass." Do that a couple of times, then maybe try substituting your own name. You might consider filming this for Youtube, BTW.

8. Sign up for an online crotcheting class. Make someone a tissue box cover that is shaped like a doll for Christmas this year. Did you see the iphone I knitted on my blog post? Actually- I can't knit. So if you don't sign up for the class, do what I do and just get really good at lying.

9. Screw it, drink the whole carton. This is true for any milk product during this time, btw.

10. Know that this too, shall pass.

Big hugs and *mwah* big kisses.

Bj in Dallas said...

where is halfway between you and Dallas?? Albuquerque!! Super D will take us in (with children in tow) because I am worried about nothing at all but worried too, that soup lines may look good for 2009. I'm just saying.

-I say J.Lohr in the bathtub trumps chocolate milk
-went to school with a girl that was supper slutty and her name was
Tammy SKAGGS- unfortunate if you act like one, I always thought.
Chin up, we are our own caretakers
and wine openers....

kwr221 said...

Okay, honey, what we need is an intervention.
While Lorrie is on the right track, especially with #4 - you can see her on Fug Yourself, but I suspect you've been there before.

The chocolate milk is good, but it sounds like you need the supercharged version - like maybe fritos and onion dip with something stronger than milk - maybe kahlua and cream? or box o' wine? Oreos to dip in the milk?

Maybe Sleepless in Seattle? Maybe an emergency trip to the East Coast?

Hang in there!

Sheree said...

Andes Candies and a cup of tea. I swear by it. If that doesn't work then an entire bag of ranch Doritos. You offered Schnapps in my time of need, and Omar's number.

Your pants aren't too tight, are they? There's nothing worse than pants up the chute.

I like the chocolate milk idea. I'm going to try that next time.

sheila said...

i think that there is nothing wrong with a good sulk, so long as said sulk lasts no longer that 48 hours. after that, it's time for the reinforcements outlined.

i especially like Lorrie's idea #3. just don't leave with a cart-full of cats. they are hard to herd.

and remember, your friends in the blogosphere love you & will always be here for you!

blairspage said...

You poor thing! Like Lorrie said... keep your chin up!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Big Hugs to you!

Nadine Hightower said...

Personally, I like to be nekked in the back of the closet with I get that I have spent a lot of time doin' just that.

Hang in there babe.

Megan said...

There is only one thing to do when facing the potential of soup kitchen lines: Go spend your money on liquor to help dull the pain. I swear by it.

Miss Thystle said...

I love you guys.

Racie Lover said...

This is about my turkey comments yesterday, isn't it? Look, I'm sorry I said your TG turkey looked like road kill cooked with a blow torch. I mostly didn't mean it and just forget about the part I did mean. Hang in there. We heart you AND your Special Needs turkey.