Monday, November 24, 2008

In which I whine

Hiya Chickens.

I don't feel so terrifical. My tummy hurts still. Even though I spent all weekend on the couch drunk...(that was a typo, but I left it because it's funny even though what I MEANT was "drinking 7-up"). I blame the damn kid for my current case of infirmity. Can I just give you all a tip? Puking when you can't open your mouth more than 1"? VERY HORROR MOVIE. Seriously, the puke spews like a fire hose.

So if anyone wants to come and clean my bathroom, raise your hand.

What? None of you do? Fine. Doesn't matter, I did it myself already.

That was the only thing I did though and it took me all four of the hours I was awake yesterday to do it because I kept having to lay down in the shower and rest. Showers? Less comfortable than bathtubs. But jumbo Costco sized bottles of shampoo do make pretty good pillows, should you ever find yourself in need. Eventually, I did get it cleaned up, and have managed not to make a mess of it again. Except, can I just ask y'all WHY is it my husband always feels the need to shave/give himself a hair cut THE VERY MINUTE I finish cleaning the bathroom. Seriously, what is it about a clean sink that says "PLEASE fill me with thousands of teensy little hairs?" Very poor form. Good thing I'm saving for a maid. It's probably cheaper than a divorce. Although I hear murder-for-hire is getting more reasonable due to the weakening economy. Do you suppose hired killers have lay-away? I should call and ask.

No, that would be wrong. Hi, government blog monitoring people! I'm just kidding! Har-har?

Also not awesome, I have a houseful for the holidays. For whom I will be cooking and I HATE to cook. I tried to talk them into going out, but NO, some people believe in a beautiful family holiday in which the mom slaves away over the stove for 39 hours and then sits down to cold turkey because she was busy refilling the gravy.

While I slept for 20 hours on Saturday, the pig hunters (actually, they're javalina's which are peccaries, not pigs, but they look like pigs and anyway, WHO GIVES A SHIT, not me and now I've totally typed a big ass aside and lost the plot entirely. Where ways I? Oh yeah), no laundry was done, no floors were mopped, no carpets were shampooed, nothing was dusted, no clutter was cleared away and no grocery shopping was done. The dogs are pretty down with that last bit though, because they got hot dogs (including buns) for breakfast since we were out of dog food.

And now? I'm a work.

I needs a hug too, gratuitously adorable puppy.

4 little kittens say Meow:

Shereejb said...

Miss T - sorry to hear you're bah-fing (translation: barfing) every where. While there nothing more disgusting than stomache contents sliding across your tongue, I'll bet you felt better once it was out. And no doubt your co-workers were thrilled to see your greenish face this morning. If puking doesn't earn you a day off, what on earth does?

Hey, I'm an Aries, too. April 10.

Lorrie Veasey said...

O Poor Baby. I much prefer listening to your whining than that of my children, or SHOM, who had the same bug which LASTS FOR 5-6 DAYS according to Dr. Internet.

Can I suggest you wash those hands before you prepare that food?

*BIG HUG* from an arms length away because we both have huge racks.

kwr221 said...

oh, big hug from arm's length away not because of the rack (it can be squished) but because we just GOT RID of that bug here, after 2 weeks of it hopping amongst us.

Be better soon!

Megan said...

I would just like to know how you blog friends have been transmitting this ugliness between yourselves? Because I sure AS HELL don't want to partake in whatever activity it is that you girls do... Ever.

Puking through 1" of open mouth sounds like an absolute horror. Good grief, you might as well have to puke through a straw. YUCK. I'd better stop; I'm about to puke just typing it all out!