I don't feel so terrifical. My tummy hurts still. Even though I spent all weekend on the couch drunk...(that was a typo, but I left it because it's funny even though what I MEANT was "drinking 7-up"). I blame the damn kid for my current case of infirmity. Can I just give you all a tip? Puking when you can't open your mouth more than 1"? VERY HORROR MOVIE. Seriously, the puke spews like a fire hose.
So if anyone wants to come and clean my bathroom, raise your hand.
What? None of you do? Fine. Doesn't matter, I did it myself already.
That was the only thing I did though and it took me all four of the hours I was awake yesterday to do it because I kept having to lay down in the shower and rest. Showers? Less comfortable than bathtubs. But jumbo Costco sized bottles of shampoo do make pretty good pillows, should you ever find yourself in need. Eventually, I did get it cleaned up, and have managed not to make a mess of it again. Except, can I just ask y'all WHY is it my husband always feels the need to shave/give himself a hair cut THE VERY MINUTE I finish cleaning the bathroom. Seriously, what is it about a clean sink that says "PLEASE fill me with thousands of teensy little hairs?" Very poor form. Good thing I'm saving for a maid. It's probably cheaper than a divorce. Although I hear murder-for-hire is getting more reasonable due to the weakening economy. Do you suppose hired killers have lay-away? I should call and ask.
No, that would be wrong. Hi, government blog monitoring people! I'm just kidding! Har-har?
Also not awesome, I have a houseful for the holidays. For whom I will be cooking and I HATE to cook. I tried to talk them into going out, but NO, some people believe in a beautiful family holiday in which the mom slaves away over the stove for 39 hours and then sits down to cold turkey because she was busy refilling the gravy.
While I slept for 20 hours on Saturday, the pig hunters (actually, they're javalina's which are peccaries, not pigs, but they look like pigs and anyway, WHO GIVES A SHIT, not me and now I've totally typed a big ass aside and lost the plot entirely. Where ways I? Oh yeah), no laundry was done, no floors were mopped, no carpets were shampooed, nothing was dusted, no clutter was cleared away and no grocery shopping was done. The dogs are pretty down with that last bit though, because they got hot dogs (including buns) for breakfast since we were out of dog food.
And now? I'm a work.
I needs a hug too, gratuitously adorable puppy.
Monday, November 24, 2008