Monday, November 10, 2008

Oh, Schnapp!

There are any number of things that one should stop doing when one turns thirty. For example, cartwheels. Or, wearing mini skirts outside of the bedroom.

Or partaking in $1 shot night at the bowling alley.

Because, as it turns out, once you are no longer 23, you simply are unable to drink your face off and then arise the next morning unscathed.

A mere $8 into $1 Schnapps night and I'm hosed! It's like I was some kind of rookie! It's almost as though I didn't spend 4 years of college majoring in Shit Faced. By $12, I'm staggering around professing my undying love for things like the pool table and the drinking fountain. Then, crying when they did not love me back. When $15 rolled around the bartender cut me off and J had to take me home.

But first, we stopped at Taco Bell.

Sitting on the couch, talking to my chalupa about my thoughts on the recent election, global warming and what the best investments are in the current market, I realized that I needed a shower. Because my hair was so dirty. Seriously, how did my hair get this dirty? Was it this dirty earlier or is it a result of when I tried to restyle it into a mohawk using butter and decorating sugar?

So I carefully wrapped my leftovers up in a pillowcase and put them in the laundry room cupboard and go to the bathroom, turn on the water and get into the shower fully clothed.

Then M yells through the door;

"If you drown in there, can I have your stuff?"

Because that is the love my child has for me. Inspiring, isn't it?

9 little kittens say Meow:

penelope said...

By $7, I'm pretty sure I would have been in the hospital.

I wonder why Taco Bell is infinitely more appealing when drunk or recovering? They must be in business together, alcohol and the Bell.

Mmmm, tacos.

Jane! said...

Like any college degree, a BS in Shitfaced, requires yearly continuing ed credits to stay active.

Bj in Dallas said...

I threw my shoes away at Taco Bell one night after a Huey Lewis concert at the Cains Ballroom in Tulsa. They were sticky from the concert and then I dropped a big plop of refried beans on them (my boobs did not intercept) and I just dropped them into the trash on the way out.....

Bj in Dallas said...

and yes, there was alcohol involved...

Nadine Hightower said...

I love schnapp's...it's doesn't matter what flavor....just put in the glass!!

Okay, what's up??? No tie dye? No camel toes...and I have a funny tale about that....but none are good.
And no men's cologne...but girl!!! It smells so good on me.

but now....no minis outside of the bedroom....god! you make it rough for me to hold onto 35.

kwr221 said...

damn. I thought I made a very witty comment earlier.

But I must have been daydreaming. At work.

I hate when I do that.

Megan said...

I'm sorry, am I the only one that is going to comment on the fact that you were at a bowling alley?! I'm just glad to hear that there were no injuries reported from flying balls...

Wrapping your chalupa up in a pillowcase and putting it in the laundry room? Damn I love how alcohol makes things make sense!

Bj in Dallas said...

I forgot about commenting on the bowling alley..like
whats wrong with this list?
miniskirts
$1 shots
bowling alley...

helllllooooo???

must say this though, a 28 year old gave me his phone number this weekend at a place that should have been a bowling alley in the past, and my friends mouths dropped open and then they called me the cougar the rest of the night. Whatever.... A. I am 49 years old, B. I'm not calling a 28year old. C. It did make me grin a little bit.......

sheila said...

You know what Megan? I had a whole post written about the fact that this all took place at a bowling alley, but then my PC crashed & it was lost forever. But it was funny!

And I think that Jane! is right -- you must put in the hours of continuing ed to keep that degree active. I did good until I hit about 38, then it all went down hill...