Oh, Schnapp!

There are any number of things that one should stop doing when one turns thirty. For example, cartwheels. Or, wearing mini skirts outside of the bedroom.

Or partaking in $1 shot night at the bowling alley.

Because, as it turns out, once you are no longer 23, you simply are unable to drink your face off and then arise the next morning unscathed.

A mere $8 into $1 Schnapps night and I'm hosed! It's like I was some kind of rookie! It's almost as though I didn't spend 4 years of college majoring in Shit Faced. By $12, I'm staggering around professing my undying love for things like the pool table and the drinking fountain. Then, crying when they did not love me back. When $15 rolled around the bartender cut me off and J had to take me home.

But first, we stopped at Taco Bell.

Sitting on the couch, talking to my chalupa about my thoughts on the recent election, global warming and what the best investments are in the current market, I realized that I needed a shower. Because my hair was so dirty. Seriously, how did my hair get this dirty? Was it this dirty earlier or is it a result of when I tried to restyle it into a mohawk using butter and decorating sugar?

So I carefully wrapped my leftovers up in a pillowcase and put them in the laundry room cupboard and go to the bathroom, turn on the water and get into the shower fully clothed.

Then M yells through the door;

"If you drown in there, can I have your stuff?"

Because that is the love my child has for me. Inspiring, isn't it?