Friday, November 7, 2008

Yes, I would like cheese with that

Today, things are annoying me. Why? I don't know. Perhaps because no one loves me and feeds me peeled grapes while listening to me complain and then offering to fetch me ice cream and rub my feet while I watch reruns of shows featuring Tim Gunn.

But are any of you doing that? NO. No, you're not.

So fine. You know what? Now you have to listen to me complain anyway. SO THERE.

* Yesterday, I was mistaken for a whore. And offered $40 for car head. At first, I'm like, uh? I'm no mechanic, but I think headers are more expensive than that? Then, I was all, WTF? Uh. No. It's not that I'm necessarily against sex for pay, but $40? How insulting.

*This economic down turn has thus far not effected me over-much. It has however effected nearly all of the people I know. Which is cool. I get that maybe you don't have money for our weekly dinners out, but for gods sake SAY SO. Do not wait until the bill comes and then hand me $3!! I don't really mind paying, but I'd like to know in advance!

*My sweater stinks. Not badly, but just oddly. Like the laundry detergent wasn't good smelling or something. It's really bugging me. I'd take it off but I'm wearing a rather sluttastic tank top underneath it and after being mistaken for a hooker yesterday, when I was wearing a crew neck teeshirt, I can only IMAGINE what I'll be mistaken for in this shirt.

* I'm at work today. That blows.

* I thought I put on a black bra this morning, but it's really navy blue. So now, my bra doesn't match my panties and if I get in an accident, the doctor is going to refuse to treat me and I'm going to die.

* it's cooled down here, but isn't cool enough to switch out my wardrobe.

* I've had a headache for like a week. It's probably a tumor.

* I wanted to write a good blog, you know something witty and maybe educational, but do you think I could think of a topic? NO. Of course not.

* Did you guys watch 30 Rock last night? I think I'm un-breaking up with Oprah. That was some funny shit.

ALright, I'm done whining. Unless you think there is something else that I should be whining about. What are YOU whining about today?

19 little kittens say Meow:

Jane! said...

Only $40?
I hope you gave him a piece of your handbag. *hoping it was a HIM*
Do you have a black Sharpie? That and an extra long potty break could solve the navy bra problem.

Bj in Dallas said...

I am in the same mood, too much to do so I'm blogging.......
I need to :
work
vacuum
pay bills
call a lawyer
try to have a yard sale tomorrow
so I'm not a $3 friend
go to the bank to withdraw $3
write a book or something
find out which dog has been farting for three days straight
throw away dead jacko lanterns
and on and on and on

what I REALLY want to be doing is laying on a beach or sitting on a patio drinking the best damn margarita I've ever had....that only cost $3

Racie Lover said...

I just got back from running errands during lunch and stopped to pick up a veggie burger. It cost me $8, wasn't all that good and didn't come with anything else. Not carrot sticks, a pickle, nada. I would like to add that to your list, Thystle, of annoying things.

For $8 I could have had a TOP SHELF margarita with BJ on a sunny patio somewhere and thoroughly enjoyed inhaling her second-hand smoke so I don't fall off the 18 month non-smoking wagon I am still on. That would be worth $8 fur shur. Also cheaper than buying a pack of smokes AND the 'rita.

sheila said...

The weatherman is on my list today. I'm having an issue with this "cold front" Pete keeps talking about. It’s November. Granted, I’m in Texas. But seriously. A cold front means COLD, not chilly in the morning & back up to 80 by lunchtime. I have fabulous new black boots & an awesome new purple sweater (that is crying out for a purple Coach handbag to accompany it) – and if I wear either on my way out the door in the morning I will be half-nekkid by midday. And then I’ll be offered $40 for some unsavory activity.

BTW - does your sweater have silk in it? I find that silk-blend sweaters have this really weird smell, sort of sour & like a litter box. But I’m pretty sure that’s just my nose.

Oh. And I want to be on that patio with BJ & Racie & margaritas. That patio could even be mine own. I’ll even give you fries with your $8 veggie burger.

Bj in Dallas said...

what time Sheila?

Bj in Dallas said...

I'm not finished. I have a Bissell Pet Hair vacuum that is wonderful except for one thing....
dog hair clogs it FUCKING up.
So you vacuum, take it apart, unclog it, put it together, repeat.
I need Mr. Bissells phone number.

Bj in Dallas said...

still not finished...

$40? Where the hell were you?
at least hang out in the coke neighborhoods that might have a $100 bill rolled up

IJS

Bj in Dallas said...

I threw away a silk sweater one time cause it was stinky......

I'm just going to fill up your comments with one liners and everyone will go oh shit, look, she passed Dooce today on comments

sheila said...

I just got this from my sis-in-law & it made me laugh. a lot.

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.



But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End

Lorrie Veasey said...

I'll give ya at least 45 if you will do my SHOM and get the girls in Texas off my back. It's like I'm being hazed for some Fellatio Sorority. Really you girls Cannot Like That. And if you do, I have some cold rice pudding that tastes like toe jam for ya.

I heart you Thystle and feel your pain and because I am such a good cyber friend AND ALSO AS THANK YOU FOR VOTING FOR ME FOR BEST HOBBY BLOG (which you can do too people at www.bloggerschoiceawards.com) I will Not Mention that less than 24 hrs from now I will be on a beach in Miami with my gays who will purchase me glamorous sarongs and mix me exotic drinks and not give me crap about not giving blow jobs. And honestly: if my gays don't give me crap about that dontcha think the girls in Texas could lay off?

Bj in Dallas said...

PONY UP, Veasey......its his birthday.......
and I would rather think of it as a room temp polish sausage....
and I could say something about grease squirting out but that would be gross.....
AND BJ stands for Blessed Joy so now you all should say a prayer for your felatio selves....

Bj in Dallas said...

whats the word count on being verbose? I'm getting paranoid now...or is it a compliment...

Bj in Dallas said...

and this shit should be on twitter but I don't know how to twitter and I haven't taken the time to find out so I'm just going to leave my twitter here

kwr221 said...

BJ - you're on a roll. You should definitely twitter. If Lorrie could figure it out I have faith in YOU.

BJ - my list is as long as yours and I did none if it. I spent my morning voting for Lorrie, because I'm a good friend like that and I keep hoping I'll win. again.

Yeah, I like kittens and rainbows too. and margaritas.

Shit, Lorrie, didn't you like JUST come back from Miami? I'm jealous. Do you need a personal assistant to help you with all this traveling, because I would ROCK in that job.

And I refuse to get into a BJ discussion.

Well, only because I'm on medication so I haven't been able to have any wine this week. And I'm still P.O.'d at my DH. (which this week does not stand for darling husband)

kwr221 said...

THystle - did you leave your sweater in thewasher too long? That could make your clothes smell like some funky shizizz.

kwr221 said...

70° here today. I think I heard it will be 37° on SUnday. I need Miami.

Miss Thystle said...

I leave you kids alone for five minutes so that I can take a nap and this is how you behave? Never have I been more in love with y'all.

Nadine Hightower said...

It so important!! Clean underwear that matches!!!

And I'm jealous You were offered money...I only come across men that want it for free.

bummer!

Anonymous said...

$40? You should have gotten his name and address and SUED his ass for defamation of character!

Oh, and couple of midol might help that little mood issue you have ;)

Landinn