Thursday, June 25, 2009

Holy Roller

I used to work in a large call center where dozens of people sat around me. So of course I spent most days eavesdropping on other peoples conversations.

The lady that sat behind me we nicknamed "The Churchlady" not because she was at all like the SNL character, but rather because almost every story she told managed to wind it's way to either a sermon she'd heard or something someone at church had experienced. This, despite the fact that she had two children, one of whom was the result of an affair and the other was the child of a man in prison for running a drug ring out of a day care.

One day, her neighbor BigHair loudly lamented her three year olds habit of PEEING ON THE WALL and so the Churchlady began to advise her on ways to discipline.

"You see" The Churchlady explained "The more you punish them, the more they act out. You have to guide your children with love"

This seemed like some pretty namby pamby advice, but whatever, so BigHair agreed that maybe she'd try praising the Sprinkler for what he did well in hopes that he'd stop being naughty.

Of course, several days later Sprinkler hosed not just the wall but also the TV. BigHair, though admitting it wasn't the best course of action admitted that she lost her temper and smacked his little pecker. Churchlady was aghast!

"Oh! You should NEVER smack your children! Hands are for loving! A child should remember that their mothers hands always reached out with a gentle touch. They should only think of their parents hands as having wiped away tears and embracing them in hugs. You should never, ever, slap a child! Think of the message that sends them! No, there is no excuse for you raising a hand to a child. That's why when my kids act out I understand that they need comfort! They need to understand what they've done wrong, so I take them aside and then I WHOOP THEM WITH A WOODEN SPOON".

Makes sense to me.

4 little kittens say Meow:

Ruby said...

Sounds like ChurchLady was preaching some sermons of her own!

cluckandtweet said...

Oooh! Surprise attack! Kind of like guerilla parenting. I like that!

Benany said...

Oh please tell me this was at the same callcenter I worked at with you so we can tweet about it and discuss real names!!!! ;)

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

Or, if there isn't a wooden spoon handy, there's probably a six foot long 2 X 4 in easy reach.

Clicked from the Bloggess, and you made me laugh. Plus you have "There, I fixed It" in your blogroll and damnit, just not everybody gets HOW FUNNY THAT IS.