Friday, June 5, 2009

Kiki Titsling

PHEW. It's the last review day. I don't know how people do this all the time. Oh right. They get paid. Whereas *I* do it for the good of humanity. Because I am selfless and awesome like that.

Today, the final review isn't for His & Hers KY like Lorrie wanted, nor is it for Kreg's chainsaws or Eric condoms (with vibrating ring or otherwise). No, it's all about my favorite subject.

My boobs.

As you know, ladies, when you lose weight, you lose the girls.

Excuse me while I go sob quietly in the corner.

Ok, I'm back.

It's traumatizing enough to have to shop for new jeans (thank you Goodwill dollar day for my brand new with tags Old Navy Sweetheart jeans for $1 !) and it's even MORE upsetting to have to buy a new swim suit (thank you Mum for my Juicy Couture!) but to have to find new bra's.....I shudder.

All girls know about the maladies of bad bra's. Quatro-boob, shelf boob, loaf boob, elbow boob, cone boob, granny boob...need I go on? Having a bad bra on makes your old outfit...hell, your whole out look on LIFE just a little less rosy.

Previously, I was wearing a collection of very expensive bra's from Lane Bryant. And by very expensive I mean $60 EACH. I had seven. Each big enough to wear as a hat.

Now? Not so much.


So, I bequeathed my beautiful collection of barely worn bra's to my similarly big busted sister in law and started searching for less costly replacements. Because I have a sad, sinking feeling that the twins will be far smaller before I'm done.

While I was at Wal-Mart I found a few decent options.

Option A
This bra is by a brand called "Sweet Nothings" and retails for around $12. It fits decently, though the cups are weirdly pointy when you are shirtless when you are fully dressed, it's not too bad. It was fairly comfortable. My only problem was it rode up a bit during the day. Probably because to get cups that fit I went up a band size.

Cost: $12.88
Worth: $10

Verdict: Not a bad choice in a pinch.

Option B

This bra is by Fruit Of the Loom and is called the "Amazingly Comfortable Seemless Underwire"

OMG. It IS amazingly comfortable. Almost like wearing nothing at all. Which is about how much support you're getting. Still, it gives good, rounded shape, doesn't ride up, doesn't poke or pinch, and seems to hold everything up. Just don't jump around. Or run. You'll wind up with a black eye.

If, like me, you sleep in a bra, this one is perfect. One caveat, the cup sizes run large due to the stretchiness of the fabric, so buy your regular band size and try one cup size down for a good fit.

The color options were limited to black, white, pink and heather grey, but I can't imagine why you'd really need anything else.

Cost: $7
Worth: $7

Verdict: Perfect for low impact days. Like laying around the house reading a novel and eating Pirate's Booty cheddar popcorn

Of course, despite having found passable inexpensive options, I still just wasn't happy. I need my girls to look GOOD. Amazing. Traffic Stopping.

While I was waiting for M to wander to the mall to pick up the teeshirt I bought her (Jeff Hardy, because she's freakin' OBSESSED with Pro-"Wrestling" at the moment) I found myself at Victoria's Secret. A place I haven't shopped in, on, practically 20 years. They just didn't carry the size they need.

Now that I have little boobies (Down to a DD....sob) I pawed through the sale bin and was please to find some of the Bio Fit bra's that my cousin Bunny was raving about the other day when I lamented on FB that I need new tit slings. And it was on sale. Less than half of it's listed $50. Since the color's I found in my size matched my new panties (important in case you're in an accident) I bought one.

First off, you do not, apparently have to make this face

For your girls to look good. Which is important, because wandering around looking like a stoned zombie is probably going to get you some funny looks. That said, can I just get a halleluja from the audience?

This bra is AMAZING. So comfortable, perfect shape, doesn't ride, doesn't pinch, doesn't bunch or gap or make your boobs pointy.

Cost: $50 retail, currently selected colors on sale for about $23, annual sale starts 6/16
Worth: $23, 982.16 Seriously.

Verdict: Save your pennies. Buy one beautiful bra instead of several cheap ones!


I'm done. Back to blogging about nothing.

6 little kittens say Meow:

Kr√ęg said...

Well, if this post couldn't be about chainsaws...

Also, Kiki Titsling would be an excellent porn name.

Jane! said...

Stoned? Thank god, I thought she was dead.
I'm glad your your minuscule little double-D's are happy.
And yes, you ARE selfless and awesome.

kwr221 said...

Okay, I get wearing a bra to bed, but for chrissakes, an UNDERWIRE? wouldn't that be uncomfortable?

I got rid of my girls voluntarily, and now I can't find a damn bra that fits or makes them look amazing. I used to LOVE the LB ones.

On the plus side, I can get away with a shelf-bra cami.

Nadine Hightower said...

VS has the best bras!!!! Well worth waiting for a sale!!! I have several....SEVERAL. I had no idea I had so many of them...they are so good.

OHN said...

The last 6 I bought for 99 cents each at a discount store. I am such a loser.

Kate said...

Excellent post, I feel your pain...though I am not familiar with "elbow boob" Lol. Good luck with the great bra hunt!