Not Picasso

This blogging about actual STUFF is WAY harder than just posting pictures of my boobs and making disparaging comments about other peoples outfits.

But I already spent the money and in this economy that means that I've got no choice but to finish this week of blog reviews

(SIDE NOTE: Dear Tammyatvenus, HI! We love your product and we LOVE coupons! Tell your boss! Luvyoursmoothleggedguts, Thystle & the other weeds)

Anyhoodle, after that shameless bit of begging, (what, like you don't want some coupons for Venus razors? Yes, you do.) I will first address Miss Lovely BJ's question regarding the Bumpit I reviewed yesterday. It was very comfortable. In fact, I pretty much forgot it was there until my dog launched himself over the back of the couch and landed square on my head, spilling my beer and lodging the gripping spikes of the Bumpit into my brain.

Also, no thanks to Dr. Dollar Store Crabgrass, my $5.96 room freshener is still making things smell lovely. Even though I can't open a window, because A) It's 110* outside and B) my office doesn't HAVE windows, Miss Lorrie "open a window" Veasey.

Which brings us to today's review of Sally Hansen's Nail Design Pens!

I have to tell you this was probably the product I was most hoping would turn out to be awesome. I get my nails done every other weekend or so and at about $15 for a manicure (including tip), I was thinking I could save myself some serious cash. Enough cash to maybe buy some panties that aren't so large they slide off my butt and puddle recklessly about my knees much like the panties of a Scottsdale cheerleader.

But I digress. The insert shows you this

Super cute, right?

I'm fairly crafty and despite the fact that I'm currently begging anyone with drawing talent to help me design my new tattoo, I like to believe that I'm also somewhat artistic.

Clearly, Sally Hansen and I don't have the same ideas.

First off, the pens are about twice the price of regular bottles of nail polish at $7-$9 depending on where you buy them.

Secondly, the "paint" they used is very thin and watery. Not a nail polish consistency at all. On the plus side, it's also removable with plain water. As long as you only put it on a nail with that's been given a bottom coat. Don't get in on your skin, because even with nail polish remover the edges of my fingers remain tinted black from my attempt at giving myself a funky black tipped french manicure.

Which brings me to my last issue....my left hand? Looked great. My right hand? Not so much.

Possibly this is something that could be worked around, like by hypnotism, for example. Or maybe getting someone else do do them for me.

But if I'm going to get someone else to do my nails, why wouldn't I just cough up the cash and enjoy the massage, wax dipping and full on pampering involved in my salon manicure?

Now, to be fair, I didn't try them on my toes, so that might be an option.

I did manage to accomplish some sassy polka dots with relative ease. But I'm not 14, so they looked a little silly.

Cost: $7

Worth: $3

Verdict: eh. Not in love.- if you can get them on sale or are ambidextrous or even if you have little girls who like their nails done, I would cautiously say go for it

Instead:

Two options. If you have a Beauty Supply place handy (Such as Sally Beauty Supply) you can pick up "professional" nail design nail polishes like these

With the teeny little brush for around $2. Yes, should you mess up, you'd need to use polish remover to re-do the whole nail, but the results look vastly more professional. My Sally had seven or eight colors.

OR

Just raid your desk drawer for Sharpie Markers. Seriously. The silver and other metallic colors worked the best, although the regular black wasn't too bad. You'll want to paint a base coat and be sure to seal it with a clear top coat. Yes, it does seem a little seventh grade in the ghetto, but seriously, it worked perfectly!