Sick Days

It turns out Mom's only get one sick day. That sick day goes something like this:

Mom comes home from work exhausted and crawls into bed. Informs family to eat whatever they can find.

Mom stumbles out of bedroom for water, finds family eating ice cream straight out of the half gallon container. Mom queries "Is that your dinner?" but does not wait for answer because of course, it is.

Mom enjoys thirty minutes of sleep.

Mom is joined by child.

The following ensues –

"Mom?"

"What?"

"Can I watch TV? with you?"

"I'm not watching TV."

"Oh, well can *I* watch TV. then?"

"Whatever"

"What can I watch?"

"None of those stupid cartoons. Watch the Disney Movie"

"I can't"

Mom sighs, exasperated.

"Why?"

""Cause it's a cartoon"

"I'll make the exception"

"What's "exception""

Mom is nearing homicide

"When I say you can do something I said you can't do just this once"
Child is quiet, watches TV. Mom drifts back off.

"Mom?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry"

"Then go eat something"

"What can I eat?"

"Dog food"

"MOOOOOMMM, really, what can I eat?"

"I don't care, just go eat something!"

Child leaves, returns smelling like Doritos Cool Ranch and coffee.

"Mom?"

"What?"

"I don't feel well"

"What did you eat?"

"Chips, pepperoni and Coffee Toffee ice cream"

Mom knows that murder is wrong but is confident the judge will understand. Decides that cleaning up blood while sick won't work and chooses to ignore child. The Dad comes to bed sometime later. Dad wakes Mom up in the middle of the night to inform her he has "the shits" and is surprised when she doesn't care. Dad wakes Mom up at 5:30 to inform her he still has "the shits" and also, his tummy hurts. Mom still doesn't care. Dad informs Mom that he is now "sicker than her" and "needs some juice". Mom doesn't care, but gets juice anyway. Juice is too warm and tastes funny. Mom dumps it out, but not on Dad which is what she wants to do. Returns with juice from the exact same container in the exact same glass. Dad drinks it tells Mom that one was better, Mom doesn't care.

Mom thinks about staying home from work, but realizes that with Dad and Child home chances of rest at work are better and goes anyway.

The end.