Social Reform

I have big boobs. This fact is means that I can't just go on down to the Wal-Mart and grab a $7.93 bra off the rack and be assured of a good fit. Yes, it kind of sucks. I spend hours (literally, ask my husband) trying on every bra in the store (Layne Bryant has a good selection) before I settle on one that doesn't give uni-boob, cone boob, saggy boob, ride up, creep down, spill over, bind, pinch, dig at the shoulders or poke out in some unfortunate way. I also have to find one that doesn't look like it was designed for nuns, reinforced with steel girders or constructed of shiny white jacquard. Shouldn't there be a better selection for the 40E crowd than the 36A girls? After all, we're the ones that HAVE to wear them.

By the time I'm done shopping I'm cranky and $75 poorer.

As a result, I'm a complete bra snob. Nothing bothers me more than someone wearing a bra that clearly doesn't fit. I have to resist the urge to take the offenders aside and say "Hey, did you know your boobs are supposed to be above your elbows, not spilling out over the cups and the band should sit just over your shoulder blades in the back? No? Well come with me, sister! To Victoria's Secret we go!!"

I mean really. I think I'm slipping into obsession on this issue. I will literally judge someone based on how their bra fits.

Too small? Offender is in denial about weight gain.

Saggy? Poor self esteem

Pointy? Sexually repressed

Shows through clothing? Craves attention

Rides up in back? Prone to asking "does this make me look fat?"

Industrial Strength (sub category 'The Grandma')? Believes no one cares if she looks sexy

Cuts the back bacon in half so you look like a stack of Cheerio's from behind? – Doesn't learn from the past

Don't even get me started on the ones that leave the house with out a bra. I mean really. If you need one and aren't wearing one, what other personal ministrations are you skipping? Deodorant? Leg Shaving? Clean panties? I shudder to think.

See what I mean? I'm out of control here. I really think I need to focus on some bigger issue, like ill fitting shoes…….