Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Fashion Rules

Twelve years ago my younger sister CK and I formed the Pink Bunny Fashion Academy.

The purpose of the Pink Bunny Fashion Academy was to take aside those we felt were in danger on immanent arrest by the fashion police and assist them in dressing themselves in a way that didn't belay the fact that they dressed in the dark from the laundry hamper. We even have a secret handshake and a motto; "Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD". Our Fashion Commandments are the following;

1) Spandex is not for everyone and therefore is probably not for you.
2) Your fashion statement shouldn't be "I'm a slut!"
3) Just because you can get it on, doesn't mean it fits.
4) Everyone feels better when they take the time to look better.
5) You may not care how you look, but the rest of us do.
6) No knit for fatties.
7) No one likes the smelly kid
8) Facial hair is for men only
9) The perfect jeans, heels and a flattering top can take you almost anywhere.
10) If you wouldn't want to be caught dead in it, don't put it on in the first place.

See? Simple. It leaves lots of room for self expression and personal style. Nothing that requires a huge amount of money, a certain body shape or too much effort.

Since my blogging week is only 5 days, I don't have time to address all the issues I feel compelled to. So as a grand finale' to my Fashion Don't Week, the following is a list of things I never want to see again;

* Sweat pant worn anywhere other than the gym
*Cut-off sweat pants
* Single sleeve shirts
* "Hammer" pants
* Parachute pants
* Gaucho pants
* Pants with open "ladder work" up the legs
* Muffin tops
* Anything worn by Mariah Carey
* Visible thong panties
* Pleated front pants on women
* Beaded fringe
* Bicycle shorts on anyone other than a bicycle racer
* Dirty finger nails
* White tee shirts with yellow under arms
* Toe nails with fungus
* 6" acrylic nails
* Toupee's
* Tee shirts with kittens on them (on adults)
* Clothes with food stains
* Designer Imposters perfume
* Hairy moles
* Tee shirts with Tweety Bird on them (on adults)
* Unibrow
* Green teeth
* Chipped polish
* Night time makeup during the day
* Laddered pantyhose
* Christmas sweaters
* Sharpie eyebrows
* Mismatched lipstick & liner
* "Denim" stretch pants
* White leggings
* Saggy pants
* Super skinny low rise jeans on boys
* Suspenders
* Mall bangs
* Peroxide blondes
* Spider eyes
* Moon Boots
* Mukluks (excused during winter in cold climates)
* Bandeau top bikinis
* Toenails that extend past the end of the toe
* Hairy toes
* Mandals & man-clogs
* Thong underwear for men
* Thong underwear for children
* Exposed belly fat
* Mustaches on women
* Chin hairs on women
* Dolly Parton Wig style hair. But not the actual wigs; those I kind of like
* Helmet hair
* Comb-overs
*Gold Grills on teeth
* Anna Nicole's tattoos
* Star Jones' chest
* Leisure suits
* Men in Speedos
* Platform flip-flops
* Sports bra's instead of shirts
* Neon spandex anything
* Pink camouflage, what are you hiding in anyway? The Queer Eye closet?
* 1" wide stripes as "highlights"
* Jerry curls
* Brillo pad perms
* "Tribal" tattoos
* Deodorant chucks in armpit hair
* Men with cartoon tattoos
* Jeans with zippers at the hem
* Belted shirts
* Culottes
* Castro Hats
* Scooter (looks like a skirt from the front, shorts from the back)
* Uni-tards
* Corn rows on white people
* Black bras under white shirts
* Wife beaters
* Tear away track bottoms other than at the gym
* Velour sweat suits at clubs
* Duct tape prom dresses. The first 5000 were cool, it's dead. Move on. Try tin foil.
* Elvis glasses
* White swim wear
* Matching mother/daughter Laura Ashley dresses
* Mini vests
* Hairy legs on women
* Uncombed hair
* Opaque, matte black tights with shiny black shoes. Think sheer.
* Ponchos/Serapes/Smocks
* Boy Bands tee shirts
* Too small clothing especially on the fatties
* Knit outfits
* Sequins
* Mixed prints
* Pink ties
* Donald Trumps' Hair
* Panty lines. Especially on men
* Visa, the Freedom Fabric
* The Just Rolled Out of Bed look
* Polyester double knit pants
* Clothing designed by celebrities
* Women in men's suits
* Tee shirts with cut off sleeves
* Matching couple outfits

Hmmm…that's just what I can think of for now. So we don't end this week on a down note, I'm going to list a few things I'd like to see *more* of.
Call it the DO LIST:

* Good Grooming
* Flattering cuts
* Age appropriate wardrobes
* custom made dresses
* Elegance
* Simplicity
* Beautiful shoes
* Jackie O Glasses
* Sun dresses with halter necks
* Summer whites
* Men in snug Levis and cowboy boots
* Personal style
* Short skirts or short tops but not both together
* Tasteful makeup
* Meaningful, personal tattoos
* Kilts
* Situational dressing
(i.e. formal event; formal clothing, hair & make up)
* Cocktail rings
* Men in suits
* Hats
* Shirt waist dresses
* Unexpected colors
* Well kept clothing
* Plain scoop neck tops with gorgeous necklaces
* Healthy weights
* Vintage
* Funky purses
* Layering snug tee shirts
* Bras that fit
* Ethnically inspired clothing like sari's
* Boxer briefs
* A natural blush
* Silver hair
* Natural fibers like linen
* Perfect fitting jeans

I feel so much better. This has really been building up. Next week will return you to my normally scheduled ranting and whining.

0 little kittens say Meow: