You're Terrible Muriel!

Sometimes people misunderstand the things I say.

Earlier today I made the comment "When my husband dies, I'm moving to Hawaii" and you'd have thought I'd hired a hit man to take care of the job.

What people don't understand is what I call "The Umbrella Principal". The UP is basically the Karmic equivalent of a "oh, yeah well FUCK YOU cause I have a PLAN" to the Universe. Think about this; what do you always hear people saying after a tragedy, especially a deeply personal one? "I never thought it could happen to me!". That's the kind of thing the Universe LOVES. That's what it lives for. To find those unsuspecting schmucks just going along, minding their own business thinking everything is great and then WHAM out of nowhere comes the truck. Then Schmuck is left standing there going "Now what? I never thought this would happen and I have no plan! I'm fucked! Damn it!" and then Schmuck takes to drinking, starts leaving the house with out pants and winds up getting arrested for peeing in the drinking fountain at the movie theater. Schmucks friends are left to explain that the erratic behavior didn't start until after Mrs. Schmuck was crushed by falling Scott Tissue at the Costco and he's just never been the same, you see, because he never thought it would happen to him.

By following the UP you're taking your figurative umbrella around to prevent the figurative rain. By saying "When my husband dies I'll sell all his tools and buy a Porsche Boxter" I'm practically guaranteed that no such event will present itself.

But if it does, I'm totally marrying The Rock.